Hi! I’m probably in about the same stage you are so I don’t know that I have a lot of advice but I do really feel for what you’re going through.
I’ll tell you a little of what I’ve observed in my sitch. My H told me at one point that he HAD to be mean to me because I was just sitting there taking it. He told me the old “ME” would never have put up with what he was doing. That was prior to our separating but I can see that some of what he was doing and saying was to intentionally hurt me and make a point that I needed to leave and move on. He said it was easier for him to be mean because it hurt him too much to think about what he was doing to me. Until they’re ready to deal with it they will ignore it…if they ever do deal with it.
You also mentioned a few days ago like you feel like your W knows she’s doing things that are wrong. My H told me one time after we separated that he was changed and didn’t know what was wrong with him. He said he felt as though he didn’t have a conscience. He said he changed and became a different person so quickly and that all the changes he could see in me were great but just not at the same pace he changed. I could tell he was confused about the whole thing. Another time I confronted him about a mean comment he made about a friend. It was so out of character. When I said something about it he said it was too hard to be that “nice” person all the time. So not the man I knew.
I don’t know if any of that helps at all but I have seen the pushing away and I’m pretty much giving a wide birth. We don’t have children together though so it’s much easier for me to do. I really believe we need to walk away and try not to look back. I know we’re spending WAY more time thinking about them than they are us. It’s our time to focus on ourselves. Not in their self-centered selfish way but in our own healing way. I have so many friends telling me to move on…for them that means dating. After 3 mos. separation I know I’m not ready for that…it wouldn’t be fair to another person. I’m busy working on GAL and faking it until I make it. That said, I cried yesterday on my way home from bar bingo.
Have a good weekend! Get out there and do things that interest you and make you happy.
