The big punch

[Redo]

My issues were:

Panic/anxiety : I am attending my local anxiety disorder meetup group. Helps a lot to know how others are dealing with it.

No social network and being introverted: This made all my little issues just bigger. Now i am making sure i hang out with my guy friends. I never did this before and is helping me a lot in terms of learning how normal people and families function.

Also some of my GAL activities like group cycling is helping me.

Weight: I think to some extent, my being overweight definitely helped me to quickly slide down the emotionally destructive path. I am exercising regularly now and have good weight to make me feel good about myself. Helps with my self confidence.

Dealing with family: I am now able to deal with family better. Before i always felt guilty and was torn between how to keep everyone happy. Now i am able to recognize that i am not really the keeper of my parents happiness. I definitely help them if needed, but i now dont fall into the guilt trap. I guess in a way i am learning to live for myself and not for others.

Hobbies: I've always been a hobbies person. If it is not woodworking or metalworking, it is RC or doing something for the house. I now realize that i've been using hobbies as an escape from me dealing with my issues. Sometimes i feel that if had spent half my hobby time with my wife, I might have made our marriage work. So i have almost got rid of all my hobbies. I say almost. I initially thought that i should get rid of everything. But if i do that, that is not me. What i am trying to do right now is to balance out my hobbies with my other activities. Hobbies will always be a part of my life. What i need to is find a healthy balance, and i am trying to do that.

Letting go of the rope when it comes to wife: This has been the hardest part. Since wife always says that her leaving me was because she could not take my dysfunction anymore, I am having harder time forgiving myself and trying to move on. But yes, i am in a better place than i was 2 months ago. I am learning and accepting that 2 people contribute to this and i cannot guilt myself into taking all the blame.

As i said since i have time, I am introspecting my entire life and way i am living. Seems like a big overhaul, but i am doing it.