When It Rains, It Pours

[♪CS♪]

You are doing this bc you are genuinely concerned about your W, right?

Of course. I also did love her dad very much and I do still feel like part of the family. The right thing for me to do is be there for her and her family for anything they need.

I just had to admit that her words did make my heart flutter for a second. I'll put it in a box and stash it away.

NO R talk . IF she initiates, steer away.

Definitely. I really can't imagine her bringing it up right now, but in such an emotional state, who knows. If she does, I will try to politely tell her we have plenty of time to talk about us, right now, we need to focus on her and her family.

So the agenda today. W should call sometime this morning to talk about timing of me dropping off D. I let her know yesterday that I took the day off, so whatever works best for her. She did make one comment of "hoping her mom will be ready" for D to come. So everything is still very much in the air. And understandably so. Very confusing time for all of them.

I will go with the flow.

[ninelives]

Be prepared for anything in their emotional state. My W hit me with R talk when I was there for it. It surprised me and I handled it poorly. ( now thats a surprise, caus your such a silver tongued devil 9 in these sitchs)

I did say that this is not the right time on a couple of occasions but she insisted and it went poorly.

9

[ninelives]

meant to say there for her, not it. Freudian maybe.

[♪CS♪]

Guys, if you can verbalize the Rocky theme song, I could use it.

Talked to W and I will be dropping off D at W's parents house. MIL wants to thank me for the flowers, so that means I'm going in.

I feel strong, but I have to admit I am a little nervous. Seeing her whole family right now will take all of ny strength. Time to show them THE man.

Wish me luck.

[NEmoose43]

[

NO R talk . IF she initiates, steer away.

Definitely. I really can't imagine her bringing it up right now, but in such an emotional state, who knows. If she does, I will try to politely tell her we have plenty of time to talk about us, right now, we need to focus on her and her family.

Sounds perfect man. Maybe it becomes a catalyst for her regarding your M, maybe it doesn't. And this is advice I know I need to give myself CONSTANTLY, but don't dwell on it and keep being yourself. Sounds like you're going to do fine.

Best of luck with the in-laws too. Remember that you're going to show your love and support for their family because of your FIL and what he meant to you...I'm sure they'll see that.

[♪CS♪]

Oh man, I feel much like I can finally relax for a bit. The last couple days have really taken every bit of strength I had.

So, I get to the in-laws house, W, BIL, and SIL#1 were out front checking on MIL’s car. SIL#1 was the first I came up to, we hugged, and I said a couple words. She smiled back and thanked me. I then got to W and BIL. Said high to both, W and I hugged quickly. W was just, IDK, in her own place I guess. She did not acknowledging me much at first. Very distant. She has been through so much.

MIL came out and we hugged. I think the only thing I got out was “I wish I had the words…” She thanked me for the flowers I sent. I told her I would always consider them family. I asked her if there was anything I could do while I was there. Nothing at the time but said there will be. Knowing her, I do expect her to call. I will help her in every way I can.

Then started getting D’s things out of the car. I also brought in all of the photos W requested. We went in and all talked for a bit. Really casual chat. I really didn’t say a lot, but talked about D a bit. MIL was on a few different calls talking about arrangements. As we are in there, SIL#2 came down, and we hugged. Both SIL1/2 started looking at the pictures I brought. I had already pulled out all of the pictures of FIL and put them in a small album. They both mentioned how nice that was.

MIL then asks for me to come out with her. We take a short walk together. This part hurt, but MIL started talking about W’s and my divorce. She mentioned that she would like to keep an R between us. She talked about their neighbors who D’d, and how that hurt her. She mentioned how much W’s and my D hurt, and how “both these things are hard.” I really just kept my mouth shut with the exceptions of “I know” “ I understand”

As we were walking back, the subject turns back to FIL. She opened up to me quite a bit, told me how she found him, how she wish she could have done certain things differently. She started breaking down and we hugged again. I also cried. This part was really tough. Really cannot believe he is gone.

We got back to the house and went back inside. I know it was hitting its ending at this point, but W was actually the first to initiate a “goodbye” but then quickly stopped herself and asked if I wanted to stay and eat anything. I declined and said I had to be going.

W, D and I walked out front and hugged again. We talked about the upcoming service, her work schedule and how we would schedule D through this. We hugged one last time and W started crying. I told her she can call me any time.

I then said bye to D and of course she starts going off “Bye, bye, bye” and waiving. It was nice for both of us to smile. Both W and D stayed out front waiving until I pulled away. It was a nice picture seeing them both out there waiving.

I am terrible writing this stuff down. But W did thank me a few times for all my help through this. Her family also acknowledged my help with the pictures and travel up there for D/W.

It was hard, but something I felt really good about. To be there and do that, put the awkwardness aside to do the right thing. It felt good.

But like I said, glad to have it behind me!

[NEmoose43]

Wow Country, got a little choked up just reading this.

I don't think you could have handled that any better than you did.

[ninelives]

Well done Country. The man showed up and handled himself with dignity. Must have been awkward when MIL started talking about divorce but again, you handled yourself like the man we have come to respect on this board.

One question: When your wife hugged you, did it feel genuine?

I ask this because when my w's mom died, her hugs felt empty. Like she wasnt really squeezing , do you know what i mean?

Maybe analyzing a hug during this time isnt the way to go but it stuck with me.

Dont want to detract from anything Country, just saying.

9

[♪CS♪]

I don't really know how to answer that 9, I guess I would call them friend hugs. Not H/W hugs.

God, this release just really hit me. I had to go around the corner and cry. I feel like gave everything I could the last couple days, I need time to rebuild some strength.

[LITB]

Country, you have handled the entire situation with class and dignity. The way you have dealt with this adversity, speaks volumes of your character. Keep doing what you are doing.