Of Men or of Angels

[Truegritter]

True, how do you feel after the correspondence with your wife?

I feel relieved. Curiously relieved. I did not and do not have any reservations about what I said to her.

All of it is how I feel and how I see things.

She can do with it what she will.

It was clear to me at least that she is still absorbed in herself.

She is avoiding conversation with me because I think she knows what is coming.

Usually hesitation is driven by fear or doubt.

Is there something you are afraid of??????

Are you doubting your journey what you have learned or where you are at????

I know what my hesitation is.

I believe she has the ability to understand and make the right choice for herself. She is NOT doing that right now because of her crisis and the trauma of her childhood.

This is my second M. I left my first because of my exW's repeated infidelity choices.

IT WAS THE SINGLE MOST TRAUMATIC EVENT IN MY LIFE UP TILL NOW

My exW I believe regrets it terribly. As I have reported here she has made repeated attempts to engage me. The last as recent as several weeks ago which I didn't even report here.

REGRET

It is very painful.

I know my W will have it and probably has some already if I believe what she says.

Painting me as the bad guy, the perpatrator, is easier than dealing with her own shortcomings.

BUT comes a day when she WILL see it for what it is. If it happens and I have moved on? I don't wish that pain on any one.

Two lives and wives in my wake. When does that end?

What I realize is I can't save her from that.

I can't sacrifice my life and myself to save her from that day.

So yes. Frustration. Trepidation.

I want to move forward with my life and that means sharing it with someone.

It is that time for me.