Am I doing everything wrong?

[Confused423]

25,

I think his previous behavior makes it harder for me to detach, because I know that I can forgive him for this just as I have forgiven him in the past. That sounds really stupid, now that I've seen it in writing. I just enable him to have no conflict resolutions skills because he never has to take responsibility for his actions. Wow! I need to think about that...maybe that will give me the resolve to really detach and let him take responsibility for himself.

He doesn't handle conflict well at all, but I believe that comes from where he grew up. His Dad could say or do anything that he liked and his Mom just took it. She never stood up for herself, she never "rocked the boat", and she never made a fuss. He told me once, that he expected our relationship to be like that. He doesn't think there should be any real conflict. Any time that there is a real problem he just buries his head in the sand and just hopes that it will get better on its on. My problems with the IUD are a perfect example. He never, not one time, told me that he was upset with me. I would talk about the way I was feeling all of the time. I would tell him that I was frustrated and that I felt like I was pushing him away, especially in the sex dept. He always said "You are making it worse than it really is...it's really OK." I was completely blindsided when I found out about the OW.

Yes...I can control my mouth. I think one of my goals is that any time I want to have a conversation with him because I am upset and "done" that day, I will avoid talking to him for any length of time because I want to tell him! I've always told him how I'm feeling and what I think, so it's a really hard habit to break.

I really appreciate you coming by...you've really given me some food for thought. I hope that the answers I have provided help you a little more. Just know that I realize that I have a long way to go in this process. I'm all over the place with how I feel about it all and I'm just trying to find a constant.