Today is a hard day!!!

[Confused423]

25,

You raise alot of questions for me and you are right...there ARE some positives and upsides to him not being here! We actually do watch a lot more chick flicks and do alot more girly things. We try to do a "spa" day every 2 weeks and she LOVES that as do I. I do show her some pain, but not the "crying" kind. I just let her know that I miss him too and that it's OK to miss him.

Let's see if I can explain the "I was not happy" thing. About 3 years ago, I was put on the IUD and unfortunately, it did not work well with my body. I really didn't notice much at first except that I was feeling a little tired. Then in 2009 I lost my job and the feelings started to get worse. I was in a FULL on depression and didn't realize it. I just thought that I was tired and angry. Unfortunately, I took it out on my family. I was angry, I was tired, I felt put upon ALL of the time. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to do anything, and according to my husband I made him feel like nothing more than a paycheck. I had no sex drive at all, I slept 12 hours a night and felt like I hadn't slept at all. I went to the doctor on multiple occassions because I knew something was wrong with me, but they couldn't figure out what it was.

In June of last year, I thought what is WRONG with me. There has to be a reason that I am feeling the way that I do. So...I began to think back to when these feelings REALLY started and I made the connection. I started to do research on the IUD and realized that I was not the only one that had these types of issues. Evidently, progesterone does not agree with some women's bodies. It had created a chemical imbalance in my body and completely changed my personality. I was AWFUL!! I am usually a bubbly, laughing, fun person. The IUD made me mean and hateful.

I truly understand my Hs reasons for wanting out and can honestly validate those feelings for him. However, I had the IUD removed in Sept. when I finally convinced my doctor to do it!! At that point though, OW was already in the picture and he refused to see the changes that were going on inside of me. He has told me since that he just didn't think he had any love left for me anymore, but now, he doesn't feel that way.

It's frustrating for me because I was sick (for lack of a better word) and he says he can't trust that I won't go back to that.

My H is here almost everyday with my D. I don't really insist that she go over to his place, but I thought that it would help her get used to being there. He's not always going to be able to stay at our house until she goes to bed at night. If he continues with OW, there will come a time when that just will not be a possibility. I'm just trying to prepare her for that time.

I hope this helps you get a better handle on the situation.