Am I on the right track?

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=NEmoose43]Okay folks, that pinging noise you hear is my WTF meter going off again. W just opened a FB chat with me a minute ago, and we spent a few minutes talking about her last exam tomorrow and how tough it's going to be. I won't transcribe only because most of it was detail on exercise physiology and her professor.

Anyway, she closes it with

"OK, I have to get off FB or I'm never going to get through this, was just hoping you'd be on."

and then:

"OK if I say goodnight later?"

So I said: "I'm pretty beat, but I'll leave my phone on."

W - "Don't worry, it won't be late, this stuff is putting me to sleep pretty quickly."

Honestly everyone, I'm sensing guilt from her. Of course, it could also just be what Sandi was talking about earlier where she's just trying to make me dance to her tune. I don't know.

You guys have any thoughts? I'm really trying not to read too much into this. [/quote]

Well you ARE reading WAY too much into all of this. So she was friendly to you...so what? Enjoy the minute...and move on....The more you two have these interactions at HER instigation, the more you MIGHT build on them. But if you try to get more or push or have expectations, she'll pull back and retreat b/c you make it an obligation as if she's teasing you when all she did was say something to her ..."Friend/roomate/h/partner" or whatever she thinks of you as being at that moment in time...read nothing into this except she doesn't seem to hate you.

You asked me to post to you so here it is...You need to Stop talking so much. Just stop. You do it way too much and when the conversations have the chance to end on a good note, instead of letting her go, you plod onward until you ruin it...

NO MORE R TALK...JUST NO MORE...not from YOU anyhow, and IF AND WHEN she brings it up, just listen...Don't talk so much and do NOT email or text or anything if you don't have to....good grief, she said she wants space and you say you'll give it to her and if she winks you thank her or if you get angry, you apologize 5 times and talk and talk some more....can you stop it? Please. You know it's NOT working so stop it....there, I think I've hammered that enough.

Detach, GAL and let her go find whatever it is she's looking for. If her mother and her feelings allow her love for you to resurface, AND IF YOU DONT' BLOW IT AGAIN, you'll have the chance to reconcile. But you will know, b/c she'll have clarity OR it won't be worth it...


Don't bother with guess work b/c it's not worth it. Be above that and if you can remind yourself of this it helps, Pay no attention to anything she SAYS and only half of what she does...

This isn't complicated, but it's hard. Detach, GAL, and tell us what your 180's are. I see a lot of repeated mistakes, even on the same day...so tell us what you are doing DIFFERENTLY???

Why would she want the same m to you, as you had before? You know she doesn't, so how are you demonstrating that your marriage would be improved? Can you see that detaching, GAL and 180s are helpful to that cause?? They are! Also, to re cap...Don't Talk So Much! Get other friends, and talk to them or us. Not her...OMG...please learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat them so often. And lose the anger, at least in front of her. It does not help, even if you think you are "right" to be angry. Do you want to be "right" or happy?