you have to stop punishing your W for what she has done and what she is doing. Denver
^^
FORGIVE yourself, FORGIVE her, and better yourself. HER LIFE; YOUR LIFE; You can't fix, control, or better HER life. You can only control yours. BUT by bettering yourself and moving forward, you CAN make HER choice easier. It's up to you, but YOU have to do it without expectations.
You have to except the fact that you are second choice....and who here wants to be second choice? How do you become first choice? Let go and be a new better you. Validation is simply letting her go and becoming a new you....If she wants to be with you ...SHE WILL.
