Today is a hard day!!!

[Confused423]

25,

Thank you for stopping by my thread and giving some advice. I will address the things that you have said and hopefully you can get a better understanding of where I am.


Usually is a tactic or punitive act, not coming from a place of love even if it's disguised as some maternal act.

I really don't want to tell her about OW as I'm afraid that it would do irreparable damage to her relationship with her Daddy.


Maybe he can take her to lunch or dinner each week, just the two of them? The closer he feels to her, the better for all. Do you understand that?

I understand this VERY well. I try to get her to do things with him every weekend. Also, during the week, I try to get her to stay with him at his place instead of them hanging out here so that she can get accustomed to this, but it brings on panic attacks for her part and I am just conflicted on the best course of action.

yes their relationship will suffer. That's not your respoinsbility but supporting his and her efforts IS....

I definitely support their relationship with no problems. She was a Daddy's girl before all of this happened and I am desperately trying to find a way for her to be relaxed and carefree with him again.

I think you are projecting alot of your pain onto your son.

I am definitely NOT projecting my pain onto my daughter. I do everything that I can to encourage her to spend time with her Daddy. I assure her that her Daddy loves her and that hasn't changed just because he doesn't live here. I would NEVER use my child that way...it is not only wrong, but disgusting. She is my precious little girl. I do not want her in pain and I'm doing everything that I can to help her deal with this, but there comes a point when HE is going to have to do something because she needs him more than, I think, he can really realize.


Let me add one other thing. You are modelling something very important for your D9. She is watching you. Someday, life will hurt her, or a friend will betray her, or life will give her a terrible setback. At that time, She will recall how you handled your setback/blow to your heart. Sooo

I know that she is watching me. I try to keep everything up beat when we are together and we do alot of fun stuff. We have actually talked alot about how she would handle it if her friend was to hurt her. I asked her "what would you do if K hurt your feelings or made you mad?" She said "I would forgive her because she is my BF and I love her." I said "well...your Daddy is more important than that and he loves you very much." I do NOT talk negatively about my H because he is a wonderful Daddy and he loves her to death. I want her to understand that


What will she see?She will remember what you are teaching and modelling for her now. Let her see what a woman of dignity and grace does when she faces a terrible blow. She will see that despite your pain, you get through it. You create happiness in your life again. Your pain is not eternal or fatal. You will survive and what's more, you'll thrive. Teach her THAT.

I am teaching her THAT! She has never seen me cry, nor has she heard me. I don't cry anymore anyway, so that's definitely not a problem now. My H and I actually get along very well when we are together. We do not fight or argue and we always have a good time as a family. She is seeing that I am going on with my life and I do alot of things for fun. She does not see a hopeless, pathetic, whiny woman!!! That's one of the biggest reasons that she is so unhappy with her Daddy. If I'm happy and he left because I wasn't happy, then why can't he come back if I am???


I think that I addressed everything. We are both trying hard to be good parents, but our D is handling this alot worse than we ever thought possible. My heart is breaking for her...I would never try to cause her any more pain.