Re=read the DB books if you are thinking I'm making this up...it's such a bad idea. Usually is a tactic or punitive act, not coming from a place of love even if it's disguised as some maternal act. It's not. Don't kid yourself. You need to reassure her as much as possible And support her and h getting together as much as possible. Maybe he can take her to lunch or dinner each week, just the two of them? The closer he feels to her, the better for all. Do you understand that?
yes their relationship will suffer. That's not your respoinsbility but supporting his and her efforts IS....
my h and d22 are repairing their r to this day. And it IS much better than when he left. He didn't want to believe it was damaged a lot even though he was a child of div. He's worked hard to repair the R's with all the kids. I'm happy and proud of him for that and hopeful.
But I won't waste time worrying about what I cannot change when life is short, and I have so much I know I need to work on that I CAN change...
I think you are projecting a lot of your pain onto your son. Please don't do that. Instead, do the detaching and GAL stuff.
See, there are two paths here, when you detach and GAL. Either your h comes back or he does not. If he does come back, great. Your m will be different and better b/c of the work you've done. You will be MORE likely to succeed in your m.
If your h does NOT return, you will have GAL and detached and moved forward and HEALED faster than otherwise...
It's not easy but it IS simple, b/c ya know, it's just not that complicated.
Detach, GAL and research in detail what that will mean for YOU. Envision your life in 1/3/6 years, with or without h, and envision yourself HAPPY in either case.
Flesh it out. Detail it. What would it look like? Start making it happen.
Let me add one other thing. You are modelling something very important for your D9. She is watching you. Someday, life will hurt her, or a friend will betray her, or life will give her a terrible setback. At that time, She will recall how you handled your setback/blow to your heart. Sooo
What will she see? She will remember what you are teaching and modelling for her now. Let her see what a woman of dignity and grace does when she faces a terrible blow. She will see that despite your pain, you get through it. You create happiness in your life again. Your pain is not eternal or fatal. You will survive and what's more, you'll thrive. Teach her THAT.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
