Another New Day 3

[islander]

Actually, I feel the same way today. I do. It feel bad, hurt, or sorry for myself. And I am not going to say or do anything I will regret. I am starting to think that I am done doing anything but living my life and enjoying it. I am tired of the way I have felt for the past 7 full months now. I feel like I am done with that. Maybe not done with my W...maybe...but done worrying about it.

I actually prayed that this was the strength that I asked God to give me, and if it is, to let me keep it.

I already know the title of my next thread, but I am going to sit onit for a few days to see if it fits me.

I will be the better person, a d I think I have done everything that I can to show my W what out M means to me, what I am willing to do for it and us.

Somebody wrote, if she wants me, she will come back...I am going to try to start living that.

To be honest, I really don't know how much DB I have actually done, and how much I did what I wanted to do. Maybe this is my opportunity to do it right...or maybe I am just tired and ready to move on.

I can only hope that if my W ever does come back, that I am not the one who is "done".

I think the door is closing, but unlocked for now...

[islander]

I am still feeling pretty good. I am not obsessing about what W is doing, it does not matter right now. I am going to start taking care of me. And I mean that. I am starting to really realize that I am a lot stronger than what I give myself credit for. I remember several months ago when I was certain I could not live in our house with out her. Now, I think that the best decision I have made so far was TO stay on our house, MY house now. I am making it mine. I lived alone before, I can do it again.

I had a lot that I was going to right, but after reading up on everybody's sitchs and responding to a few, I am beat. I slept for 3 hours last night, and worked 15 hours today, picked up my D from in-laws tonight, and she is sick so no school tomorrow. I put her to bed and cleaned for a little bit, and now I am going to sit on the couch bf I go to bed.

I will say that I think that I am finally detaching and ready to start DB for real. I don't think I fully trusted it bf, but now I see that I have only been wasting time. Hopefully it is not to late for my M. I am not giving up, but if it is, I know now that I will be ok.

[ninelives]

Amen Islander. I hope you mean it and can sustain it. I cant tell you how much 25 has helped me. The anger issue that we both have about the affairs has to be put to bed.

We dont have to like it ever, but maybe understand it a little better and make peace with it. Forgiveness is going to be tough but there is no other choice.

God give me strength to pull this off. I am not a spiritual person but you are islander from what i have read. Time to put the bitterness away and Db intelligently.

9

[islander]

Real quick:
I have decided, like I have any choice, that I am going to let W have OM if that is what she wants. Nothing I can do about it. The more I try, the more I hurt and push her away.

If in the end, she chooses him over me, I guarantee that will be her loss and she will regret it one day. The consequences of life, and I won't have to do anything.

I am also contemplating taking off my ring. I am married, but only to a piece of paper at this time. It would be a huge 180 for me to take it off. I just don't know if I can yet. But I might.

I ready to start living again. I am doing more at work. Feeling better about myself more often. Joking around again. Making new friends.

Sandi gave great advice on Moose's thread, and I am going to start living that. She said the WAS has to feel a sig ificant loss. My W hasn't, I haven't let her. I've pursued her and reassured her I will always be here for her. Sounds like she has the best of both worlds. Have an A, if it doesn't work out, you can come back home. Tough life for her. My fault. I am better than that.

[islander]

I just took off my ring fir the first time. Don't know how long it will last or if I should even do it. Just testing out how it feels. Strange!!

[islander]

Woke up and put my ring back on. I am not ready to take it off yet. I feel slightly down but still ok. Maybe just a little tired is why. Mornings are sometimes the hardest part of the day when am off. I have a lot to do today. My D is still sleeping and I am hoping she doesn't have a fever when she gets up.

[ninelives]

Thats OK islander. You tried something different and it didnt work. And now you know that you are not there yet but you will be someday, just not today.

Im feeling down about it too this morning. Combination of cracking up my bike and hearing about a post on FB from OM when she was going for a job interview. "Good Luck hunny"

dont beat yourself up too much. Remember how early this still is and how much you did/do love her . Its not going away any time soon. Down days will come, just dont let her see them ok.

It wont help your sitch.

I havent worn my ring for so long now that I dont even know where it is.

9

[islander]

I am not too down 9. Just a bit. I will be productive today. I think the days I am home and stay at home are SOMETIMES a little rough. It is something I must tackle and overcome.

My D is a little sick so I will take care of her today. Trying to get her mother (not my w) to give me the number for her doctor.

Did I miss something in your posts, I don't remember you crashing your bike. Sorry man.

[ninelives]

Thanks but dont sweat it, a moment of bad judgement and a misplaced sweatshirt as I was entering my garage of all places, I slipped on the wet sweatshirt and went down and cracked the ferring a little and put the turnsignal throgh the ferring. Not hurt at all except the pocket book may take a little hit again.

I hate making such stupid little mistakes but at least it wasnt on the main highway or something major.

I do love my bike though so it does hurt a little.

Glad to hear that you are only a little down.

9

[jbnati]

islander, take care of your daughter today.

Wow, taking your ring off. That's tough. My W hasn't worn hers for a few months. I still wear mine as an act of defiance. It's a reminder of what I'm fighting for.