Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

You are amazing 25 at seeing the problem and telling it like it is. I sometimes see my sitch as a hollywood movie and what would the lead actor do. And that is not the way to go IF i want her back and you are spot on about everything you said.

I have to let go of the anger and really see my role in all this.

I didnt make her feel special and took her for granted. Yes she was depressed and yes she blamed alot of her unhappiness behind her depression, but I was also selfish at times and put my needs ahead of hers.

I dont think that she had the right answer because my biggest mistake was looking at my peers and their relationships and they always said I was too good to my wife. And I saw how they treated their wives and thought that i was indeed better than them in our relationship but all that is meaningless now.

I still get confused about this whole cake eating thing on this board. If i am her friend, does that not validate everything that she has done and allows her to continue her relationship with OM with less guilt?

That is my biggest dillema. I do have to get rid of the anger for sure.

One thing, I dont regret snooping because she was treating me so badly and having an affair and something had to give there. What I do regret is how i reacted to that. I was so angry the first day that I pushed her away so badly and that may be something she never recovers from.

She did tell me when we recon the first time, she felt so guilty about the affair that she was rude and distant to me on purpose hopint that I would lose my call and justify her actions. But i was so nice to her and patient when she came back and that made her more angry. Her exact words. She felt more guilty the nicer I was to her. Like I said, something had to give.

My oldest son says that she is not happy right now. That she loses her temper for the slightest things.

I really dont know what I want for sure at the moment. I wish I could be more like you were 25 when you decided that you would lovingly detach and close the door but not lock it.

Somedays I think I am there and then I miss her so much.

I have been following your advice to Denver and 2step, ( 2 great guys) and am starting to see more and more that I need to be friendlier to her but not initiate any type of R talk.

That is the way to go right?

Thanks for checking in 25. I dont know how you maintain a job and do so much councelling.

We are all blessed that you have come forward.

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