Why is it not good to let h see that he is hurting me by doing what he is doing?
BECAUSE IT DOES NOT WORK...THE GUILT MAKES THEM ANGRY AND RESENTFUL....You have been repeating the same behavior for years now. I remember you when I was here yrs ago. How can you still be in virtually the same emotional place? You have confirmed and validated your h's choice to be with OW, b/c marriage to you cannot improve or change, b/c you have not...
You wanted me to post to you. Aside from getting excellent advice from MrBond, which you rarely respond to, you are also doing a real number on your son. Do NOT make HIM feel abandoned.
You should be reassuring your son that h loves him and values him, which you know is true.
In the two years your h returned to you, what was different in the m? Why'd he leave again?
I'm guessing it's b/c you seem to be in the same the place as you were before he left the first time.
At some point, Your fear and discomfort with the concept of genuine change, has to be outweighed by your desire for happiness. Or you will remain stuck. Life is short. You are wasting it wallowing.That only happens when you get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. If not for yourself, then do it for your son until you are well enough to want happiness b/c you think you actually deserve it. There's too much "woe is me" and "why isn't happiness landing on me?" going on here. Have you tried meds? That's not a judgement, it's a question from someone who has been there.
I don't know what else to say Rm...I do wish you well but I don't have advice I think you'll take.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
