When It Rains, It Pours

[NEmoose43]

Country, my Mom died very suddenly about 10 years ago. She went into the hospital with stomach pain, and when they opened her up, they realized that her intestine had been perforated by a small cell cancer tumor...one of hundreds that had spread from her lungs throughout her body. The doctor told us all they could do was try to make her comfortable. So she spent two weeks on morphine...it was actually pretty incredible because she held on until my entire family was able to make it to the hospital from around the country. And she passed a few minutes after all of us were able to gather in her room for the first time.

I know it wasn't as sudden as your FIL, but it was still a monstrous shock for someone who was seemingly healthy to go out so quickly...she never showed a single symptom of the cancer at all.

Anyway, I felt so numb because it happened so damn fast...I was 24 at the time, and I really didn't even react right away because it was so sudden. Honestly, a lot of the bottled up grief is only starting to come out now thanks to the crisis with my W (nice added bonus right?).

Honestly, the best support I received at the time was from friends and family who just said "Please let me know if you need anything at all, I'm here for you." So all the advice you've heard here is pretty right on. I didn't know what the hell I needed for support, so just knowing I had people I could count on was a big help.

The bad stuff came from the people who wanted me to talk to them about how I was feeling. I know these people were just trying to help, but like I said, I'm still dealing with it to this day, so I sure as sh-t didn't want to talk about it then! And I also remember a lot of people who wanted to talk about what they remembered about my mom, good memories, funny stories, that kind of thing. There were times when I wanted to hear that stuff, but there were other times when I just wanted to strangle anyone that said it. Spent a lot of time with my guitar and a Marshall cranked up to 11 during the first few weeks!

I'd say keep doing what you're doing man. She knows you're there for her, I wouldn't make a big deal of it, and I also don't think she would read into anything you did at a time like this. I don't know her, so I can't be sure about that last bit, but if you know there are things that need doing to help out, it can't hurt to offer.

My 2 pennies.