Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[Confused423]

Nine,

I know exactly what you mean about missing your W. At least in my case, I always thought that he didn't help me at all, but now that he's gone, I realize that he helped alot more than I thought.

Now, I have to handle my D, keep the house clean, AND take care of the yard. I'm not working right now, so that has helped with the transition. I'm really afraid I'm going to fall over when I have to go back to work AND do all of the stuff around the house.

I miss HIM too. I agree with Country - it's about missing your life partner and you really do not know what you have until it's gone.

I understand how it is with your S because my D is going through the same thing and she doesn't even know about OW. I can't imagine what it would be like if she did. My heart goes out to you on that note.

Keep your chin up...I think you are working through alot of your anger and you are getting better at interacting with your W.

[ninelives]

Thanks confused. Not much to report tonight.

Made a fabuloous chicken supper but Oldest son went to mom's and youngest went to the city.

No big deal, leftovers right.

Had my drum lesson and at home jamming with oldest son who confided in me that he is interested in a girl at school and she actually likes him.

I am giving HIM advice on relationships. Almost want to say; " But you dont have to listen to me son, im a bit of a loser in the relationship dept"

He is so nervous about it. Im happy for him.

9

[ninelives]

He doesnt want his mother to know about it and swore me to secrecy. Makes me kind of sad that we cant share in his first crush together and he get a womans perspective.

Just another bit of colateral damagae I guess.

9

[islander]

Don't be sad, be glad that is simething for you guys, a great bonding experience. Enjoy these small things. I have a feeling you and him will have a lot in common one day...you with him to be specific

[ninelives]

Oldest son is really nervous about going to school today because of crush. Sooo cool that he is experiencing this.

Youngest son last night came home and just before he went to bed, he hugs me and says, " You know what dad, it is real cool that some people make me feel sooo safe" I said

" Yeah, like who", He said like you and mom but mostly you dad cause you are stronger than mom.

Choked me up. I know how much he loves both of us and was always so into our family.

He would often jump in bed between us and hug us both and say.

" I LOVE my family". And so did I son , but took it for granted.

I read 2stpes post and one thing that was mentioned is that this site is not about giving up.

I won't and people ask me would I ever take her back because they are so convinced she is making a huge mistake and will come out of the fog someday.

My standard response is, I dont know and will have to cross that bridge IF ever we get there but I KNOW deep in my heart that I would take her back however, I think she would have to prove that she trully wants back in and for the right reasons.

PIECING would be so difficult and im not sure if she would ever want to do the work.

But that is the cart WAAAAAY before the horse.

9

[ninelives]

Oh just a side bar. When she dropped by yesterday morning to drop off son's shoes. She took out my new reflector i had on the driveway and broke it. She didnt mention it or replace it but I guess given the choices, on the other side was my new car so i guess if she had to take out something, I guess a $6.00 reflector fiberglass rod is better than a brand new car.

just saying.

9

[2stepboogie]

9 you are right the site is not about giving up, BUT I don't believe it is about unicorns and fantasies either. For some it is a way to deal with their grief and pain while accepting the end they have not yet seen for others it is a way to make the changes necessary to eventually get to piecing and to a better M. In the end though it helps us all.

I know what you mean about missing the little things, the simple pleasures of the day to day.

When I was deployed for over a year it was not the sex or the dinners or any in depth thing I misssed.

It was the smallest things I missed. The smile, the complete comfort of knowing she would be there when I came back, the silence we shared while watching a movie.

Some of us are cooked some of us aren't either way we will all be just fine at some point.

I don't know if I will ever stop missing her but I am sure WE will all make it out of this.

As for your son, it tears me up even though I don't know him. My D has said similar words to me and they make me weak in the knees.

I don't make predictions or like to give false hope where I don't see any. I must tell you that I believe your W will come around the question is where will you be when she does.

We are all in the gutter together, just some of us are looking at the stars my friend.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens,
but often we look so long at the closed door
that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

[ninelives]

2step:

You teared me up with your last post. You dont know how much your continued support has meant to me and even though I dont know you and some others on this board , I consider you a very good friend and I wish nothing but the best for you.

I too believe that your W will come around some day. Especially since there is no evidence of an OM. She would be crazy not to give this another chance and to echo your statement, its where will you be when she does. Time as always is in control.

You have your head on straight and somebody I would be proud to hang with. Its too bad it took something like this to get to know people of such high caliber.

I know that we have all did things that may seem strange or unpopular at times on this board and we have all accepted our share of 2x4's but I do admire most of the posters as people that are kind, and positive.

All the best to you 2step , I hope you keep posting despite the recent hardships you have struggled with. Your imput means more that you know.

9

[ninelives]

Got home at 5 ish and came into my garage a little too fast and skidded on some cardboard i use to catch my oil drippings. I laid down the bike which made me really upset. About 3 hundred bucks damage but I did get myself under control.

About 1 hour later W starts texting me:

W: Can i have the boys mothers day during the day on Sunday. Then you can have them on 19th of June all day on Fathers day

Also can you keep youngest son Mon night at 715 and tues 715 for my nightshifts? I will still be here after school for him. I am planning to dig up the Japanese Lilac today. The one my dad gave me for my birthday years ago. Everytime I see itI see him.

M: YES TO EVERYTHING

W: Thnx, your Gr8

W: Oh and one more thing. Alice Cooper.ON the 18. Its your week but can I have them afterschool the concert is at 8pm. Will be a late night. I work at 7a.m . I will drop them off whe we get back that night of the 18th.

M: YES TO ALL.

W: K

Is that ok on my part. Im not engaging her much but I am agreeing to her requests because I believe they were all reasonable. I am hurt that IM not going to the concert as I did take them to KISS last Aug. and she did invite me earlier but OM felt threatend and she uninvited me claiming OM was and is threatened by me and that is something they have to work on.

She orginigally wanted us to go together as a family and keep it under wraps from OM.

She is a piece of work these days , that is for sure.


9

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=ninelives]What this title means is that I am really going to follow the advice of the vets and take emotions out.

I am trying to GAL for me and yes , forgivenss may be one of the things I have to really adress.

I will NEVER forgive the affair, but I must forgive her as a human that made mistakes and will continue to make them and detach from her.



Not sure what your point is here. You'll "show her"? I mean, are you "standing" for NON forgiveness? Oh. So you want to be "right" and not happy?? I don't get it.

I think if you really really mean this, you should quit now. Just end it. Otherwise, You're going to hold the A over her head like the sword of Damacles, holding onto your pain and victimhood, (conveniently forgetting why she had an A in the first place or your own role in it) and make both of you and your kids miserable...

It's not about her "Deserving" forgiveness. If you think it is, then you don't understand the concept. You are correct in saying you have a lot to learn about what forgiveness is though...I've been there, done that.

Forgiveness a process that takes effort, time, and prayer, and has nothing to do with condoning an affair. Nothing.

Good luck