One might think that I hate my H, the way I go on about him. I actually do love him, I just have to keep reminding myself of what he’s done, because I know he will say anything to suck me back in. He can be very generous and thoughtful, so it’s not like he’s always abusive or always lying or always inconsiderate. He’s just like that enough that I don’t want to put up with it anymore.
The only thing that is wrong with me is that I keep trying to accommodate his bad behavior toward me and it’s wearing me down. I never know if the person I’m talking to is going to be reasonable or irrational. I’m becoming a person that I don’t like. I don’t like being angry or scared or uncertain. More and more, when he’s around I feel like I’m supposed to wait for him to tell me what to do or guess what he will think is right before I do something that he might criticize or disapprove. That’s just weird. I am an intelligent, competent woman who has a lot of achievements behind me. I should not be dithering around the house feeling helpless.
I was looking over some old posts a few days ago and noticed there were lots of references to H not feeling like he could talk or that he was walking on eggshells. At the time I felt bad for him. Now I think he ought to be walking on eggshells, he ought to be thinking very carefully before he speaks, because he uses a nasty tone of voice and says unkind things. He should watch his behavior, especially if he ever hopes to have a relationship with another woman again.
