Am I on the right track?

[Denver_2010]

Waiting equals passive. Don't wait...move. This is where you focus on doing something DIFFERENT. Anything, just do it differently...damn just do something right? Anything.

Hope is something you put deep inside, but you focus on what makes you happy. Waiting feels like eternity, but doing something makes eternity fly by. Get what I'm saying?

Faith, I'm a little confused here...are you talking about GAL stuff or are you suggesting I draw the proverbial line in the sand with her?

He's saying GAL ... and if he's not, then that is what I am saying. Don't draw that line in the sand unless you are willing to end your M Moose.

I'm going to fake it like a you-know-what when I see her this weekend for MIL's BDay/Mothers Day. I want to be in the best possible mood to hang out with the in-laws, and honestly, it should be a lot of fun. But I'm really hoping that she says something...anything.

I'm not asking for her to pull a 180 and say she's sorry.

Here's what I really want to hear:

"Moose, I do still love you, and I'm willing to try to put us back together. I am afraid that it won't work and that you'll just go back to the way you were, but I'm willing to let you at least try to prove yourself to me again."

And while I'm on that, I want to write out what I'd love to see happen if everything worked out perfectly. I figure if I get it out here, I'll be less likely to open my mouth this weekend and blurt it all out to W. Here goes.

1) W comes home

2) We start seeing MC again, with W telling MC that she's willing to work on the M...which she was unable to do a month ago.

3) Date night once a week

And that's it. Honestly, when I thought about doing this, I figured I'd be typing for an hour or more...guess not. I'm actually a little proud of myself, I've lowered my expectations SOOOOO much since even last week. Hopefully this will help me to not put expectations on her.

I know this is a little all over the place, but I guess that fits since that's how I feel. I just want her home.

Moose - I'm concerned about your expectations for this weekend. Trust me, oh trust me, I understand. And I also recognize that I am much better at looking at others' situations and giving good DB advice than I am in my own right now. But listen...

I don't know how familiar you are with my sitch. You can go back to the begging of my threads and read it if you like. But it is was much worse than your's is right now. My M was on it's deathbed. I gave myself at best a 10% chance of saving it. That was an honest assessment. My W was angry with me, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't let me have contact with my SS, and said things to me that I cannot repeat here. It was bad. This was for all of November and December... and half of January.

Then things started to slowly get better... she began to initiate contact with me ... usually by text ... to ask me meaningless things like how to make my spagetti sauce... slowly that grew into what it was in March ... and now the valley that I am in now.

How did I get there? NOT by words man... by actions. I gave her the space that she needed, I patiently waited... when we did have contact I NEVER brought up R or OM ... I acted 'as if' I was healthy, happy and upbeat. I bought new clothes, got a new hair style, and made sure that every single day I looked the best that I could JUST IN CASE I saw her... and only once did I by surprise... but it paid off (she commented on my new clothes)...

The point is... I didn't pressure her or pursue her... but I also didn't give up hope. I didn't file for D and when she said that she wanted to, I told her that I would not help her with that bc I didn't want it and wouldn't help her end our M and destroy our family. I told her that she knew where I was.

What was her initial plan when she left? To end our M... she was DONE. And every time I say that I use capital letters bc that is what she truly thought.

What did my DBing do to her plan? It caused her to become confused about that plan... about that initial decision. It caused her to doubt what she was doing. This was done through actions, patience, and time ... NOT words!!! NOT words!!!

So... my point? YOU go this weekend and DB your a$s off! That means you go and show her, through ACTIONS, how much fun you are, what a great guy you are, and how F&*(ing crazy she would have to be to end her M with you. That's what you do!!!

DO NOT go into it hoping to hear particular words from her... or with the plan to use words to communicate something to her THAT SHE HAS ALREADY HEARD!!!

Let go of the expectations and just go be a fun, great, guy! That is DBing my friend.

whew... I just wrote that as much for me as I did for you as I have to do the same exact thing this weekend at my W's bro's wedding and mothers day.

I will leave you with this... it is something that a dear friend of mine who is very familiar with DB imparted to me the other night ... and it became one of my the 14 pillars of my new strategy posted on my thread ...

"Continue to create confusion in my W about her initial decision. When my W left, she was DONE. DBing has allowed me to get her to a point of confusion on that initial decision. This has, and continues to be, a good thing. I do this by continuing with my 180's and being the better man."

Actually, I will leave you with my fight song... "THIS IS WAR" by 30 Seconds to Mars...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMAVLXk9QWA

And for you and I, and so many others here, this is war... you want to put OM's head on your mantle? Then you have to approach this as war... but fight smart... tactically... you can do this Moose...