WAW Please Help Me.

[pleaseexplain]

Here it goes: I met my wife when she was 18. She said she had never been with another man. We dated for a few years, then married. We have been married for 23 years. She is 45 I am 53. She is a very attractive women. She is very fit. She is a very high strung type A. We have two teenagers, S 15, D 13. She has stated that I am too controlling. She has contolling behaviors and a very short temper but is reluctant to admit that.

She gave some examples of the "controlling" behavior. I did not deny what she was saying. For example, I would give her a hard time about going out with the girls, about what she should do at work, about what she was spending, etc. No put downs or anything like that.

She was at an professional football game with her family where we had a phone conversation about on line banking. On of her family member said "why are you talking about this now...we are at a football game."

When she came back she was a "changed person." She said she had snapped.

A few days later she told me that she had filed (Jan. 2011) She moved out March 2011. She says she needs "time" to figure out whether she wants to be alone or she want to be married to me. She states that there is no OM. She did have an EA ten years ago. She stated that she had it because I was too controlling back then. We never went to counseling. We just kind of dealt with it. I probably became worse because of the feeling of betrayal, loss of trust.

Now while in her new apartment we have been sharing custody. We still have combined finances. We still have a June 3, 2011 date but there are many details that will result in that date pushed back.

She tells me that she is "trying" She still shows me affection. Still hugs, kisses, still says she loves me. But she certainly is emotionally distant. She has told all of her family members and friends. Her family will support her. Our friends are neutral.

We had recenly been at a trip together for a family reunion that was planned before the bomb was dropped. She stated that she still wanted me to come. I had second thoughts but I came anyway. While we were here I saw for the first time that she had stopped wearing her wedding ring. I made the mistake of saying something about that. The dreaded R discussion. She said not wearing the ring did not mean anything. She had been wearing it since filing in Jan. While here I showed her I web article about the "walk away wife syndrome." She said that is exactly what happened to me. The article also says that men do change permanently. She has stated repeatedly that she is afraid that I am not going change. Later she was showing family (from out of town) pictures of her "new apartment." She claimed my mood changed when I saw this...fast forward...meltdown. She said it was over. She had been saying that she was "trying" was "working on it," etc.

She has since said that we can forget the "it's over" incident. She is being openly affectionate toward me in front of her family members, all of whom know we are now separated.

While on this vacation we are sleeping in the same bed. She kisses me goodnight. We cuddle during sleep. No s-x.

We have only been separated for a short time. She has said that when she is alone is a peace. I told her that I understood that. She is removing herself for the source of emotional upheval (me). She also said that she is not eating or sleeping well. I am trying the no contact route while she has kids.

I know that spouses will deny infidelity up to and including the time when you catch them in bed together. I do believe that there is now OM. When she had the EA ten years ago she told me about it. I did not know. I don't know why should wouldn't tell me know if there was an OM.

She told me that she tried show me how I should react toward her by how she permitted me to do whatever I wanted without question. She never told me that what I was doing made her that unhppay.

We have since returned from the trip. She when she said goodby she hugged and kissed me and stated that she had a great time. The next day I received a letter from her lawyer that idndicated that a pretrial date was being set. I had not hired an Attorney. Our finances had still been comingled and she has been spending money like a drunken sailor. All under the guise of making her "new home" comfortable for the kids. BS. She has purchased Art, expsensive wines, clothes for herself, etc.

I had been walking on eggshells since January when she filed. After I got the paperwork from the attorny I called her. I asked whether this had anything to do with what the "it's over" comment she made on the trip. She would not give a direct answer. When I hung up I had an ephiphany. I concluded that I was done! Done walking on eggshells, done being a dorrmat. I wrote her an email the next day stating that I had established my own banking account and that from this day forward we would have separate bank accounts and responsibilites. She wrote back and made various venoumous comments. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted. I told her that I had the ephiphany. I said that if you perceived that I was needy or clingy in that past that it may have been that I may have been afraid of divorce. I told her that I am no longer afraid of divore so if that is what you want I am prepared to get it done. She had asked in the past if I would sign a Martial Settlement agreement drafted by her attorney. In the past I said that I would consider it, thinking that this may show that I was willing to cooperate at the expense of my dignity and best interest. However, at this time I told her that I would not sign anything drafted by her lawyer even if I agreed with it. I told her that I was either going to hire my own attorny or she need to fire hers and we would go to a mediator.

I say this only to say that she called me back and I spoke to a woman that I do believe was my wife. She was kind, made some comments about still not being sure about what she wants. Wants us to have a relationship, agreed to fire her lawyer and sit down to discus things. I have not seen this women for 4 + months. I think that when I stopped being the doormat and really convinced her that I accepted divorce as an outcome it did get her attention.

I now need advice about what I might do to keep things going in the right direction. I am still done being a doormat. I would like to reconcile but I will accept divorce and move on if I have to.

Help me.