Half in and half out... How do I move forward?

[barnaby]

I wish I had a book that had the answers. I'm continuing to flail...

I'm a sensitive type, but I find myself hyper-sensitive to EVERYTHING at the mo. I tell myself that feeling like that is ok- it's my RESPONSE to that feeling that matters. I seem stellar right now at turning ANYTHING into a "he doesn't really want to be here" action. I am assuming meaning and it is a learning curve to stop imbuing his words and actions with my perceived interpretation. And then I am stopping and gauging my initial reaction and making a conscious DECISION regarding that action.

For example... Last night after counselling he went out for a couple of beers. He came back, we chatted a little. He got up and went out of the room to do some bits and pieces, and next thing I know I'm starting to doze off. He comes back in the room saying he's going to bed. Off he goes and I follow shortly after. He's curled up on his side of the bed, I'm not sure if he's asleep, and I'm thinking... He's mad. He's cross at me. He hated counselling and doesn't want to talk. I'm lying here next to someone who doesn't want to be here.

So I stop. He hasn't SAID or indicated any of these feelings. It's entirely possible he might actually have just gone to bed because he is tired. Maybe emotionally drained from counselling- he's not one for talking that much usually and it was mentioned earlier. So instead of feeling anxious and initiating a bad conversation at a bad time, I reached out and just put my hand on him. He responded and I felt better for not instigating that anxious what-are-you-thinking-about talk.

To be honest I'm not sure what else to be doing right now. And him... Well: the counselling is a positive step. But tbh there's not much else forthcoming. I want to ask him about what he feels he's been doing- I suppose before jumping to the conclusion he's not doing anything, I was wondering if he might have internally been working on stuff, or making plans. But I feel it may come out in an accusatory fashion- like, "what have YOU done because it doesn't look like you've been doing anything?"

Any thoughts?