OnMyWay: to who knows where?

[OnMyWay]

Ok, DBer's, here's a post is to thoroughly confuse the issue. Stress not, however, as this is all good:

For starters, I've had some issues at work with regards to scheduling. Normally I work a 12 hour day today and W does the normal picking up D at school, followed by girl scouts, home work, dinner, and waiting for me to come home before she takes off to her new life.

Well, during the day, I found myself looking for a date for a play I'm attending on Friday night for a client/friend of mine at the local university. I came up empty. However, W and I had discussed seeing this months before our R fell apart. After last night and the whole "you hate me" thing, I wasn't so sure, but I acted on impulse and pulled the biggest 180 ever. I called W to invite her as my date. I was very "No More Mr. Nice Guy"ish about it - very direct, as in "I'm going to go see this play. I'd like you to join me. I think it will be fun and I would enjoy the pleasure of your company." She asked if I were planning on hanging out with my friend after and I said, "No, no plans. I'm just thinking of seeing this show with you and having a nice evening." That was it. F#ck if she didn't say "Ok." WOW!

But, the 180 didn't stop here. I found myself trying to justify my asking and her trying to justify her accepting - the whole thing becoming muddied. At least I was smart enough to just say, "It's going to be a great show and I'm very please you are willing to go with me as my date. I'll see you after work." The end. It worked. I left well enough along and hung up. Even I was surprised.

Now, before all you go grabbing your 2x4s and start talking about priorities and detachments, let me say this: I was about to purchase a ticket to this show myself, when I thought, "I wish I had a date" - aka, my goal here. WAW wasn't my first choice, but all my other choices were either unavailable or not great first choices for seeing a play. The W thing was a knee-jerk reaction of "I wonder if she's available," not an ulterior motive. It was a natural choice and I went with it. I'm just as surprised as everyone else that she agreed.

I never told her I had screwed up scheduling today and that I would be home at night. I left work on my own schedule and wandered home, stopping to pick up a steak, a great bottle of wine, a cigar, and some firewood for our outdoor fire pit. It had been a long day and this was going to be an evening for ME!

I got home an finishing up some business when WAW & D came home. She was very surprised to see me. I told her my evenings "plan" and said she was welcome, when she started in with, "Well, D and I were going to the mall, etc. If you had called me, I would've known what to expect, etc." I told her not to worry, as I had planned this evening for me. She is welcome, but she should do what she wants. D was confused and I reassured her to go to the mall with W. They left and I had a fantastic dinner! Damn I can cook!

I was outside enjoying the fire and the wine when they got home at 9pm. We put D to bed together and W, who had plenty of studying to do, hung out with me for a while enjoying her own glass of wine. I apologized for last night and any misunderstood emotions - I most certainly don't hate her. We ended up talking about all kinds of things, from her school, my business/career, family, D, and our sitch. Funny thing we both got out of this was we love each other dearly and miss each other, but have no use for being "married" to each other. It's like we've both become lost in our own self generated fog. She offered that she love's being with me and hanging out with me, but she is oppressed by being married to me. I found it funny that I felt the same way about her - she's such a fantastic person, but such a burden. We've both known for a while now that we both feel the same way about each other, but have no idea what to do about it.

At almost midnight, she was still hanging around. I mentioned it has been a pleasant evening, but it is time to put it to bed. She agreed and thanked me for a wonderful evening. I mentioned our Easter weekend hugs as a better way of parting compared to last night. She agreed and we hugged for a long time and eventually ended up making out! WTF? Seriously? OMG!

She showed no signs of resistance, but I remembered my NoMoreMrNiceGuy techniques and stopped her. Told her she should go before I asked her to stay and spend the night. Off she went. My 180 has caused a complete 180. I'm sure there'll be push-back tomorrow, but perhaps not. Either way, I'm good. I continue to feel better than I have in months and I let her know that. My confidence is building stronger every day, and she can come back or or not, I'm good either way.

Not to toot my horn, but I feel I have made a couple of major DBing breakthroughs here. First, I was a solid man this evening, which is a milestone for me - I lived my life for myself, I was decisive, I was detached (you can stay for dinner or not, I'm good either way), I showed interest with out regard to outcome, I created positive tension, and I saw an opportunity & I took it. Plus, who cares what happens tomorrow - not my problem. Tonight, I took it as far as I wanted it to go and I stayed in control. That is a huge step for me. Normally, I'd of been begging for her to move back in and be with me. Tonight, despite the obvious attraction, I sent her on her way. I think those are some powerful signals.

What am I getting out of all this? First of all, I have a life I'm beginning to love. Second, DBing is fun and exciting once you detach yourself from the outcome! The challenging is kind of exhilarating. Finally, Friday might be fun: We're seeing "Noises Off" - a very funny play. I'm looking forward to it. Plus, I have a date to share it with. Interesting that she looks exactly like the beautiful wife I once knew, but slightly more unpredictable, kind of exciting, and certainly more unusual than I initially expected.

Am I the only one who thinks DBing is fun? G'nite my fellow DBer's. Keep up the good fight. Tomorrow's a brand new day.