Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 4

[sparks14]

In my head, I think, the key is that you're saying she's important (more important than your family, since she and your son are your FAMILY) and you are asking her to trust you 1) that you won't rush it (but she has to make an effort to heal both families), 2) that you know your family and believe they will be civil and try, for your and your son's sake, and 3) that you have her back and will stand up for her. You may have to do some family events solo, talk to people behind the scenes, reintegrate her slowly with more welcoming family first. Think about some of the things you would do, so that you could reassure her. Guys, does that fall into your no more Mr Nice Guy stuff do's or is that don't, in your opinion? She's going to have to step up and put herself out there at some point.

Thanks, AJ. My W really feels right now that a relationship with my family would be impossible... forever. These are her feelings, so I cannot discount them. I have told her that my family will not hold that grudge, but I will not push the matter. I think a lot of it is simply fear to her. I think she is scared to come face to face with my family. I have to be careful not to try and read my W's mind, though. In the end, the reasons don't matter. She may end up sticking to this decision forever, so I have to anticipate that. So her question is valid. How would a relationship like that work?

I think your three trusts are spot on. I do need to continue to show her that she is important to me, and that I will have her back. I think this goes right into the woman's need for security. My W needs to trust that I will always have her back.