A person can only take so much rejection and projected hurt and hateful words before we grow a cold heart ourselves. We finally reach a point where everything in our world stops being about them and we go into a self protection mode for ourselves.
I think it's God's way of healing our soul. It's a way to steer us towards the path we need to be on to be free of our daily physical pain the loss of our husbands/marriage/families has caused us.
I, like you. have fought this breakup for years. I am needing to be strong now and regain my health. I need to be able to "Let Go and Let God" take care of the rest. I have to step back and away from the drama and I can't do that if I am still obsessively in love with him.
To me we are releasing the daily obsessive loving only not our deepest love. We will always love these men. They were a huge part of our lives. God still wants us to love them. He wants us to continue to pray for them every day.
To me God is telling us that we need to love from a distance and leave the rest up to him.
Our H's need a great deal of work and they have to do it without us. Up until now they have had us as a crutch to lean on. God wants them to find their own way back and be healthy and whole when they return to themselves and hopefully their covenant spouses and families.
I, too, am having these moments. I am currently having them daily. I am taking it as a sign that I need to step back and let H go. It's time for God to take over, my help is not necessary. My stand is though.....
I am likely to succumb to the divorce very soon because I think sometimes this needs to happen to have a clean slate and a fresh start, yes...even with our H/XH.
I will always love him very much, I now need to love him enough to "Let Go and Let God"...
(((((Irma))))), please take care,
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
