Not sure where to start or end, WAW? - #3

[25yearsmlc]

W offered to give me money and I said no. She said she just got paid and could give me some money for food/doctor for the week. I absolutely refused. I told her that it was really nice of her to offer. I broke down a little bit, probably because of all the combination of pain killers and crap I was taking and cried on the phone a little bit and let her know that I just wanted someone to take care of me. She said she would come over and take care of me - but I told her that at the end of the day that wasn't what I wanted, I wanted someone to be there for me in the way I want which is something she couldn't do.

So I called professor lady instead. She came and took care of me last night. It felt good.

You declined the help and then cried about the help, then called for more help from elsewhere.

Do you have any idea how incredibly weak that is? You are already growing codependency after just a few dates.

Next time call your parents.

Dump the cat lady - she's obviously not healthy for you.

Develop some gravity.

How many mothers do you need?

Pookie69 has written one of the best posts I've seen. READ IT AGAIN PLEASE....There is power in these words.

P69, can you check in on a guy named "mykarma" sometime SOON? He seriously needs a "man lesson," and I'm a woman. See the problem? Thanks, and sorry for the hijack.

I have one anecdotal thing to add, for the sake of humor AND to make a point.
A girl I grew up with, who married quite young, wanted an open marriage. They had been m several years when this "request" was made and Even so, the m lasted over 20 years, but we all knew the marriage was one in which the w had all the power. She was a stay at home house wife (not a mom for over a decade, decided not to go to college or work,) and when they finally had a child, the h did at least half the childcare, plus working full time. Her h, "Steve" was a Super H, as far as how the rest of us saw him. He was always very kind to her. Very loving, sweet, a very clever guy, but with HER, he was a fool and a slave) so he enabled her a lot, for a long time. That was a recipe for disaster.

They eventually had an "open" m, meaning SHE Could sleep with OMs and maybe, someday far away, her h could do the same with a woman, per her request (she knew he wouldn't but she wanted to have it look "fair").

I asked her how this type of M, could possibly work and whether she told her h of the As...I kid you not, this is what she said, verbatim (sometimes the words are frozen in your memory...) she said:
"OF COURSE I TELL MY H WHEN I SLEEP WITH OMs! IF YOU DON'T HAVE HONESTY IN A MARRIAGE, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE TRUST?"

It always gets a good laugh, but (SIGH)...shockingly, their m ended. They're divorced now. She was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to learn that while she'd have health insurance and some alimony, it wasn't that much AND, SHE Would have to get a jjjjjjjjooooooobbbbbb....OMG.

Long story short, Her ex h remarried and he is happy. SHE Is dating a 25 y/o guy with pierced...things...and last I heard, they got arrested for doing drugs. Nice life.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if her ex h had not enabled her for so long, what if he had set healthy boundaries with her? I'm certainly not blaming him, but she lived in a world with no consequences, until there WERE so many serious consequences that she was overwhelmed (he wanted out and she was going to be on her own). (SIGH)

When you get good advice, follow it, stick with it, and don't keep 2nd guessing yourself when you know one thing for sure: What you were doing was NOT working. So, Embrace changes that are needed in your life, don't fear them.
J-