Half in and half out... How do I move forward?

[barnaby]

Well we went to our first proper counselling session today. I wasn't sure he was going to come but he did and was participating fully.

The counsellor suggested that maybe me and him could swap roles, I could take over some of the more "serious" role, and he could get into doing fun stuff with the kids.

We were talking after, and he asked if I thought I'd learned anything yet. I said not sure, but I thought that idea of swapping was something we could try. I said maybe he could take the kids to the park, buy them ice cream. He said we do that already- I said he could do that just him, or something else similar, I was thinking of stuff to get the ball rolling.

He paused. Then said, "the thing is, it's not going to change anything is it?"

I find this REALLY frustrating. It's great that he's wanting to do counselling. However he says a lot of negative things like this. Comments about how things won't change, he's tried for so long, he talks like it's completely immoveable for him.

I can see what is happening here though. It is happening the wrong way round- it is ME who is trying to do the work for him. Convincing him, persuading him, suggesting ideas. Like he's glued to the spot, shrugging his shoulders and I'm trying to shake him free. I don't know if I'm expecting too much? I realise I can't change him. But what do I do- stand here and wait, watching?