The big punch

[Redo]

25: Let me clear out the 3 year therapists issue. I was not seeing the therapists for 3 years continuously. I started seeing them regularly after daughter was born because it was at the same time my parents and wife had the 'fight'. Somehow every therapist i went to, did not work out. I went to one of them and wife came along. She wanted to know if i was bi-polar. Therapist diagnosed herself and told me i had bi-polar and asked me to get on meds which i did for a month, until i visited psychiatrist who told i had no bi-polar. Then i found a real nice therapist whom i went for 2 months. Wife kept saying she did not like him and wanted me to quit. Then in 2010, we did get very busy with daughter and yup, i stopped looking for one until aug-2010 when i started again. I thought i found one, but wife wanted to talk to her about me and i let her do that. Now i know why wife wanted to talk. She wanted to know if she should stay with me. Apparently therapist told her that it would take a decade to make me 'ok'. Wife freaked out and started planning her getaway.

To be honest, most indians dont believe in therapy. But i believed in it and tried my best to seek help to save my marriage. Problem was that i guess i was not asking the right questions to the therapists. I now know that what i needed was a life-coach. See in my marriage, everyone and their dog was dishing out their version of what i was doing wrong and how to fix things. Wife's sister, my in-laws, my parents. I think this was the logical end to our situation. At-least now i have the time and space to work on myself and improve myself.

But in a nutshell, all these can be attributed to my anxiety issues. Yup, you are right that anxiety did not help me personally. It was just an illusion. Yup, i used anxiety to be ahead at my work, studies etc. But over the years i have suffered a lot emotionally and physically (ended up with high BP in 2009).

I know that my only way out of this mess is my discarding my fears, panics etc.