It's still very rainy here. I ended up just going for a 2mi. walk for exercise this morning.
Didn't have softball last night. I ended up meeting a guy from church for dinner. He has a pretty interesting story. A long time ago, his W filed for D, they were separated, but they didn't go through with it. He was also heavily involved with drugs and alcohol.
W has a job offer today. She is preparing to move. She asked me this morning if thought she needed a UHaul. I got a little sarcastic at that point and just told her I guessed she hadn't thought that part through. There's the old jbnati showing his ugly head, but it's hard not to sometimes.
Feeling angry today. One thing my W asked me last night is if a judge asked me if I agreed to a D, would I say yes? I AM NOT going to LIE!! The more I think about it, the angrier I get. This whole system favors the WAW. It's not fair! You don't need a legitimate reason to D! It's absolutely ridiculous!!
My W has never given me a legitimate reason for D. The thing that drives me absolutlely nuts is that even when she was asking for the D initially, she told me I had made a lot of positive changes. I don't know whether she wants to D the jb from 10 years ago, the jb from 3 years ago, the jb from the time of the bomb, or the jb now!
OK, I think I'm finally coming down off the anger high now. I know if I react in anger to my W, it's not going to do anybody any good. I will stick to my guns. If I am ever backed into a corner and asked if I agree to a D specifically, I will NOT lie. I am a man of integrity.
My W got a job offer today and accepted it. She will now have steady hours and income. Best case scenario is she will be able to take a step and the fog will lift. Just wishful thinking. Worst case, well not absolute worst case, is that in a D it would be less spousal support.
She actually starts her new job on Friday. She actually suggested maybe I would get my S off to school this morning so she turn her alarm off and go back to sleep. Really?!?!?!
I have mixed feelings about the move out. On one hand, I feel like it's one step closer to D. On the other hand, I think it may help DB and help her miss me. I am banking on the latter. If nothing else, it's keeping me going right now.
That's an interesting question. She had ASSUMED I was helping her move, but she didn't want to ask me. It turns out I am going on a Cub Scout camp out with my S, and I won't be home until the afternoon. She is all revved up about moving in the morning and being done in the afternoon.
I think I could be strong enough to help her move, but I'm not sure I want to. I am not cancelling the camp out - she didn't bother to schedule around it. What's the best way to DB this?
That's an interesting question. She had ASSUMED I was helping her move, but she didn't want to ask me. It turns out I am going on a Cub Scout camp out with my S, and I won't be home until the afternoon. She is all revved up about moving in the morning and being done in the afternoon.
I think I could be strong enough to help her move, but I'm not sure I want to. I am not cancelling the camp out - she didn't bother to schedule around it. What's the best way to DB this?
I am thinking about initiating a conversation with my W. Save me from myself!
Here's a little background: Two of my W's hot buttons in our M are the house we live in and the makeup of our family (we have an only child). Bottom line is she is stressed out about the house we live in and she has always wanted more children. Both of these topics have come up in conversation over the years and I have pretty much shut her down and/or just took too lightly what she was asking for. We tried the fostering/adoption route about 3 years ago and ended up dropping out. Both of these came up in a conversation a couple of weeks ago where I just listened to her and validated her on some major areas where I've made some mistakes.
We started MC about 3 years ago, initiated by bomb #1. This significantly changed how I felt about my W. I learned to love unconditionally and accept her for who she is. I even we were now able to talk about things to some extent - or at least it was getting better. It also changed how I felt about the above 2 hot buttons. I had this craving to have a conversation on both of those where we worked together to figure out what we needed to do. I was also amenable to making some radical changes to accommodate or at least consider what she wanted to do. Because they were uncomfortable for me to talk about or consider, I just kept silent. I was waiting for her to initiate the conversation.
Here's my dilemma: I am really feeling the need right to bring up in a conversation with my W that I was wanting to talk about these things, that I was willing to make some radical changes if we agreed on them together, and that quite frankly, I was holding back. My concern is that it's going to look like a ploy to get her to stay. It's not. I am just feeling the need to say my peace. Frankly, there's some changes I would like her to make before I would want her to come back.
Idk. I have bad plenty of conversations that I really feel I needed to have, and none of them turned out right or left me looking very good.
You need to really think about why you feel so strongly about telling her these things right now. Is it bc your W is moving out in three days and you so badly want her to stay??
And, do you think your W would change her mind about moving, your M, bc you tell her these things.
In the end, you already know what you are going to do.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
