I am thinking about initiating a conversation with my W. Save me from myself!
Here's a little background: Two of my W's hot buttons in our M are the house we live in and the makeup of our family (we have an only child). Bottom line is she is stressed out about the house we live in and she has always wanted more children. Both of these topics have come up in conversation over the years and I have pretty much shut her down and/or just took too lightly what she was asking for. We tried the fostering/adoption route about 3 years ago and ended up dropping out. Both of these came up in a conversation a couple of weeks ago where I just listened to her and validated her on some major areas where I've made some mistakes.
We started MC about 3 years ago, initiated by bomb #1. This significantly changed how I felt about my W. I learned to love unconditionally and accept her for who she is. I even we were now able to talk about things to some extent - or at least it was getting better. It also changed how I felt about the above 2 hot buttons. I had this craving to have a conversation on both of those where we worked together to figure out what we needed to do. I was also amenable to making some radical changes to accommodate or at least consider what she wanted to do. Because they were uncomfortable for me to talk about or consider, I just kept silent. I was waiting for her to initiate the conversation.
Here's my dilemma: I am really feeling the need right to bring up in a conversation with my W that I was wanting to talk about these things, that I was willing to make some radical changes if we agreed on them together, and that quite frankly, I was holding back. My concern is that it's going to look like a ploy to get her to stay. It's not. I am just feeling the need to say my peace. Frankly, there's some changes I would like her to make before I would want her to come back.
