Haha. When Roger and I first started dating, he asked me if I thought he was my type. He absolutely wasn't, and I said so. He's taller than anyone I've ever dated, by quite a few inches, and is skinnier than anyone I've ever dated as well. But he has such a great personality, a wonderful smile, and so many other endearing qualities. I guess the difference is, he let me finish my sentence and also has enough sense of self to laugh at himself. In fact, he told me that he's been told that a lot!
I also told him that since my type hadn't been working out so well for me, it was probably good for me to try something new lol.
While it's definitely important to think about the possible misinterpretations/miscommunications, you can't control how she's going to take everything you say. Don't beat yourself up too much. You are too much of a sweetheart, and if she's going to let her insecurities ruin any potential relationships, that's her issue, not a reflection on you!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
(((((Michelle))))) That's such a different reaction! She convinced herself that since she "wasn't my type" I was settling, and wasn't attracted. Let's just say that I would have thought it was obvious I was attracted by now! Told her she was hot just minutes before....
It's funny because I was reading some communication thing and this guy says that a lot of arguments are started by putting your but in the wrong place.
As humans, we remember the last thing we hear a lot more than the first.
So, I guess in this case, it was something along the lines of "you are really hot, but you are not my normal type." (even though there were minutes in between, just roll with it for an example lol)
He says you should always put the good after the "but". So reverse your sentence. "You are not my normal type, but you are very hot."
Of course, since she cut you off, you couldn't finish your sentence. But it made me think of that nonetheless.
All I can say is, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't actually insult her, and even if she took it that way you tried to apologize and explain.
The rest is on her.
(((Jeff)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Texted good morning, at lunchtime, after lunch, late afternoon, and this evening. Says she isn't doing well. Wants me to come hold her. I'm not really surprised. I think she knows what she wants on one level, and there's another level that's afraid of that.
Jeff, if you want/like her, be different than most men and just talk to her. Talk to her as an adult, be polite, sensitive and direct. When she says she isnt doing well etc etc, tell her. Something like : of course you arent feeling alright. I understand why. It is all a misunderstanding and I would love to clear this out. I am in love with you. I am with you because I like/fancy/whatever you. YOu can choose to ignore this and hold on to your false assumptions or accept the fact I am on board and have fun together. And then let her sleep on that.
I am very self guilty about my looks/weight. My sexual life, my mood, my humor, all get affected when I dont like myself. I remember how great I felt when I was told "you gained weight? Good. More of you to love" and there was no discussion dwelling etc over it. It was stated as a fact to me. I was left alone to decide which reality I would focus on. I chose the "positive one". I felt I would be stupid not to. Hugs M
Before she asked me to come over, she had said that she had "such strong feelings". She didn't say what, and I didn't push, just said that she knew how I felt, and it hadn't changed. Then she said she really needed me to hold her. I went over (and it is a pretty big deal, it's an hour's drive, and I didn't leave my house til a bit after 10), held her, talked to her, held her some more. Might have done some things that went a little past holding her. She's so afraid of being hurt. She said she never thought she could feel like this again, and part of her is really fighting it. She says I can't possibly love her, but I think she is starting to see that I do. I have told her that I choose to be with her, that I want to be with her.
She is still afraid, but I think there was progress. I did tell her that when she feels like that, we need to talk. I need to make it even more clear that I can't be a yo-yo, but last night wasn't the time for that. She did say that she didn't talk about it because she was so used to not being heard. Hopefully she sees that that is different now.
This morning she was nervous and scared. But also happy. We will see.
