Am I on the right track?

[Denver_2010]

I was really feeling like a doormat,

I've thought about this a lot during the course of the past 6 months Moose. And I've gone back to thinking about it quite a bit over the past couple of days.

What's the definition of a doormat? IMO that is a personal matter. What it means to be a doormat to you, may not mean that to me. Or vice versa.

To me, I am NOT a doormat if I choose to stay in this thing even when W is doing things or making decisions that I do not agree with. See, the choice is mine. My W has dinner with OM... I can choose to walk away... OR, I can choose to do my best to understand where she is emotionally and keep fighting.

In some cases, the opposite of being a doormat is to attempt to control something that you cannot control. So your W is in an A... Are you a doormat if you don't confront her? But if you do confront her, are you trying to control something that you cannot?

Some posters here will tell you to set a boundary in this situation... so as to not be a doormat. But a boundary is again, trying to control something that you cannot control. It is an ultimatum. So what? We have the choice of being a doormat OR being controlling? I don't believe that those are our only 2 choices here.

The alternative is to accept the things that we cannot control, i.e., our W's actions, feelings, thoughts, and choices. Then choose... do we continue to stand?

Or not?

Once YOU, me or anyone else here makes that choice, on their own, based upon what we each want for our OWN lives... we are NOT doormats.

That's how I see it.

BITS
Denver