She clearly had a plan, and executed it. She had it all laid out how she wanted to handle the whole thing. I am sure she had direction and help (from her girl friend, from the internet, who knows). I am convinced there must be a book, or website out there that is like an outline on how to behave, and how to walk away from the marriage.
The stories are just so similar. The words they use I read here are all the same. It really is like that they have a guidebook they are using. I can just imagine the chapters:
- Your decision - If you are at all bored, then you decide it's over, don't tell anyone - Wait until married 7-14 years, and after you have kids 4-15 - Get newly divorced, happy friends, listen to them - Distance yourself from friends you know would disapprove - Change your lifestyle (quit work, etc) - Get new clothes, sexy underwear, whiten your teeth, shave every day - Find a love interest, pursue them, but keep it well hidden
- How to let them down slowly - the ILYB speech - Make sure you say the words, ILYBIANILWY exactly - Do it after an arguement so you can blame your spouse - Make sure to tell them it has been coming for a long time - Do not reaveal the EA or PA at this point, keep it secret - Say you need space to figure things out
- Behavior during the few months after the ILYB speech - Disconnect, but not too much, give them some hope. Intimacy is optional - Start arranging your new life - Accelerate contact with your other love interest - Continue to feel more sure about your choice to be finished - Engage only with friends who support you, ignore and dismiss the rest - Increase cell phone and computer usage. Especially texts - Become mysterious, hide your phone, log out on the computer every time
- Revelation of the affair - If it is discovered deny it, alternatively blame the spouse - Make sure to say, "it just happened" - Do not tell the full truth, just enough to hurt your spouse, but not enough to allow them to decide to separate - Keep having the EA/PA
- Living in Limbo - Do not share you life with the spouse, at all - No talking, back turned, no eye contact - Get them to understand it is over, without telling them - If you feel like it, ignore the kids too - Plan your departure, but don't tell
- The end - Be totally irresponsible and selfish, do whatever you feel like - One day, announce you are moving out, and do it. Be sure not to forget to take the kids when you go. - Go back on your promises to stay civil - Get a lawyer to convince you are right - Make sure to ask for more money than you deserve - Demand as much custody of the kids as you can get, even if you don't want them around you
Appendix - How to handle special occasions (fathers day, birthdays) - Hiding your love affair - Dealing with your friends and family that disown you - Ensuring maximum spousal pain after the divorce (how to dress, what to say, how to trade off kids, etc)
That to me is the basic playbook they work from. Genuinely evil people.
