when you have moved on

[braveheart]

Sorry, best NOT to talk to them.

[forward]

BH, I think we do get explanations--maybe a direct apology like Trusting, or a bungled MLC-ish style one like I did. That said, I do think it is best to avoid them.

I noticed that even now, X refuses to acknowledge that I did anything kind for him. This hurt me, but I also realize that he is so wrapped in medical issues, I do not think that he is capable of being anything but primitive now.

[forward]

I had a happy day today. And a good weekend. New Guy has been very sweet and I find myself falling for him more and more. I find myself thinking about us together.

Odd thing...on occasion I find myself thinking that X would have liked my new friends. For that matter he and New Guy would like each other. It is strange, how life is.

I haven't heard from X for a while; he sounded so sad last I spoke. The medical issues have been overwhelming for him, but I suspect that things haven't been so great with his emotional state either.

I just wanted him to get back to normal and hopefully repair his life.

[mojo]

Hi Forward

Thanks for posting. I still come here after all of these years. I don't want my ex back - I never did. I've never done anything in anyway to get him back. Yet i still feel the heartbreak. I don't understand why but that's how it is.

Like you I sometimes think ex would have enjoyed today or ex would like him/her. I feel shocked when I think that.

I think it's the fact that he's been so mean that we don't undersatnd. For me that prevents me moving on.

Who knows? :-)

Good luck with your life anyway. x

[forward]

Oddly, last night I had a dream that X was kissing me. I also dreamed that he committed suicide. I was taken aback and called him just to make sure he is OK; he sounds miserable.

With that said, I do not feel that I want him back, but I realized that because of our D, the connection will be there.....

[EverHopeful]

Hey Forward,

I also have dreams, or passing thoughts about things that ex and I used to enjoy doing or people that are in my life now that I know that he would like ... I guess that these things are common.

During one of our last phone calls several weeks ago, he mentioned that he had burst out laughing just the day before when he thought of something funny that happened to us years before. I laughed too as he recounted the story !

I bring this up to say that they think of us too and far more often than they will ever admit to us or to anyone else. He also mentioned during that call that he thought of me a lot and that we were always the best of friends.

They have many regrets but most of the time they cover it up with MLC behavior.

Life goes on though.

Ever

[forward]

X came by today to see D. I found myself realizing that I do not miss his constant criticism. I remembered planting a flower once and X found a way to criticize even that. This was before I really felt his MLC, too. I felt very beaten down by his constant criticisms and complaining. Even having him around now still makes me uncomfortable--his eruptions were very destructive to our R.

Still, there are times when I miss him, because when things were good they were very good. But today I was remembering the bad parts and when things were bad, they were pretty darn bad and I do not miss that person.

Bit by bit I find myself moving closer to New Guy. I feel as if we managed to work through one difficult point. We have now been together for a year. I see a future with him.

[forward]

I thought about something else. It has been a full four years since X moved out. I haven't had a real conversation w/him for years and years now.

And really....I do not want to. Sometimes I wish that he would apologize, or that he would somehow explain his behavior, but it's not worth it any more.

[forward]

I am now thinking about four years and how I have changed.

I have friends again.
I am happy and social again.
I have begun to rekindle old interests.
I have a new love.
My daughter is long out of diapers. There are things that I could not do when she was such a tiny baby but now my life is starting to get easier. I am glad that I have been with her through all of this. She will be in school soon.
I have a new job.
I have a new wardrobe and new look.
I began to exercise (and I still do it).
I made some strides in my career, although I still feel ambitious for more.
I have worked on myself, confronting things I do not like as well as realizing my good qualities.

In general, my life is good.

[forward]

Had some of those moments and pangs when I saw X the other day, remembering.

We are fairly friendly but not friends.

I love New Guy and it is easy to see having a life with him. A nice life, I will add.

But I may need to be honest with him about having occasional pangs of missing X.