She came by this morning and it was obvious that neither of us got a lot of sleep last night. She was here for about 5 minutes and I walked her to her car. She was hesitating a bit so I asked if she had anything she needed to say. She just said that she was sorry if she was being bitchy or selfish, but she needed this week to concentrate on what she needed to concentrate on. I just smiled and said don't worry, I understand.
She drove off and we left it at that. She sent a text a bit later that just said I'm sorry. I replied with "You're not being selfish or bitchy W, so don't dwell on that. Do what you need to do this week, I'll be here."
And that's it. Sandi, I am in full DB mode. My phone will actually be off today. And I know that talking about R or OM at this point is the worst thing I can do, so I will not do it. I can make it till the weekend, and even then, I know I need to let this happen at her pace. I can't put my timetable on everything, which I now realize is what I was trying to do, even if it was subconsciously.
And Calystra, I'm not sure what I said to get that reaction last night, but I think it was more of the taking ownership of what I had done. I think she feels like I finally understand what she is going through, but I'm not sure. I hope she'll open up about that sometime soon.
Thanks for the advice, it is so appreciated.
BITS M: 35 W: 27 T 7.5 years M 5 years No kids My EA: 3/08 Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?) ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11 W at parents house: 4/16/11
There are alot of people on the boards who give great advice and you should definitely hear what they are saying. Sometimes, it's better to let them have their space (and here I am the pot calling the kettle) even though it goes against EVERYTHING that we think. Sandi has some good advice "she has already left". That should really help you focus on the best ways to try to get back on the same path.
Good Luck to you this week! Keep coming here to vent and talk! Maybe that will help you to keep your cool and not contact her even though everything inside of you is screaming that you need that contact!!
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
Lord help me everyone, I'm fighting the urge to drive toward her school after work and see where she is tonight since I'm not out til after 10. I have not called or texted since I saw her this morning, and I have heard nothing from her.
I hate this gnawing feeling inside me that my having NO contact is just allowing her to run to OM. Do I just let staying dark do what it's supposed to?
Someone 2x4 me please, I need direction here.
BITS M: 35 W: 27 T 7.5 years M 5 years No kids My EA: 3/08 Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?) ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11 W at parents house: 4/16/11
One day at a time. The visualization exercise with the big Stop Sign from DB helps sometimes. Also, KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. I swear it gets easier day by day.
This is such a switch for me...no contact at all today and I'm feeling really low right now. Been at work all day, so that helps.
Now the only question is do I text her goodnight? I guess I'm unsure how dark to go. I want her to have the space she needs, but I don't want to give the impression that I don't give a sh-t anymore.
Not sure what to do...
BITS M: 35 W: 27 T 7.5 years M 5 years No kids My EA: 3/08 Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?) ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11 W at parents house: 4/16/11
I don't think that by you not texting her you are sending a message that you don't care. If anything, I think it shows the opposite. That you care and respect what she needs right now and your willing to give it to her.
I know it's hard. If I don't get a text from H at all I usually get really paranoid, and I have to stop doing that.
Keep your chin up.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
