I left to see my parents just to get out of there for my own (and his) sanity. The trip was for 2 weeks but he's not talking to me nor did I share that information with him. Somehow he thought I had left for good and he was just going to mail me all of my possessions. <sidenote: my H is a very logical person so this line of thinking is a clue as to his mental state right now...>
I was like no, I am coming home at the beginning of May. He says well I don't want you to come back here and I'm not comfortable living with you if we are separated. I told him it was his problem as it was my house, I lived there and I had nowhere else to go. He says, you could go to an apartment. Now how am I supposed to find an apartment in Seattle while I'm sitting in Florida? <sitenote: another clue to mental state and that he's not thinking clearly...>
He says he'll just get an apartment then. I said I'd rather you not spend our money on that. He says he's not living there with me. I say fine, whatever, do your thing. So supposedly he'll be getting an apartment and move out before I get home? We shall soon see.
It's going to be hard to be in that house but I don't see why I should stay elsewhere. Plus I want to sort out my own things not just let him randomly mail me my "stuff". <sidenote: clue #3 in regards to mental state as this seems extremely logical...>
So I set a few boundaries during all of this I guess.
(1) I'm not emotionally at the same place he is right now and I can't process it all at the moment. So while he sent me proposals for the split and we discussed this living arrangement things, he is not pushing anything at this moment. I went dark after these discussions.
(2) I'm going to be living in the house and nowhere else, for now.
(3) I'm going to decide what things I want out of the house, not him.
Beyond that, I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I'm starting to move along emotionally but I'm clearly not far along to be able to formulate plans beyond the immediate future which are:
* Get an appointment with a counselor that I like who is pro-M. This may or may not be the C we saw together. While she has the history of us, I'm really unhappy with her at the moment. * Go to the doctor and get some antidepressant medication. This was based on my sitch for the past 3 years where I'm sure I've been depressed, the difficult time I'm going through now and the fact that my dad sat me down and talked to me about how depression is in our family. Medication has done wonders for him and he pointed out behaviours I've had my entire life that could potentially point to depression. * Read DR again to refresh all the DB principles in my mind. I recall that out of all the books, I felt this was the best one. * Continue with my personal trainer. * Maybe start splitting my stuff up. * Maybe get a part time job so I don't have to sit home all day.
