I am so sorry. What area of the world do you live in?
What is he thinking? Well you are a great catch, that's why he did whatever it took to land you. (pls excuse the fishing metafore). Now it's been awhile that he's been able to do what he want's and without apparent punishment. So he's living large and doing what he want's with a wife that he can brag about (you're the great catch) and that he's 'the man' and doesn't have to do squat. This is what's in his head. I presume that you are a very accomidating lady that tries to keep him happy (with a goal of him returning the favor).
He won't.
I am very concerned about the statement that after the 'one-minute' session...it's all over. Is he aware that actual penetration is a very small part of sex? Oh geesh! He should be all over you like wet on a frog, so fully enjoying you and pleasuring you that the one minute issue is actually a relief! Making love to you every part of you, taking care of you should be his goal. And if he releases during, so what, he should keep on keeping on.... by him stopping after climax tells me that sex and life are all about him, Not you or both of you.
He has long separated his physical self from this situation. I am very sorry. Don't know why women put up with this.
A couple of questions: Have you met someone yet? Often the need to fish or cut bait is noticed when my passion rises...
I know some would not agree with you but what you said is how I feel inside. My husband has his cake and is eating it too. I am dying inside. Someone just said that as long as I do the things I want to do, do it even if my husband doesn;t do them with me, but this was one of the mean reason I married him! I wanted compatibility! and I still do while I can still climb a mountain or walk six miles all over Paris or hike Sienna in Tuscany! That was the whole plan that was laid out before I said 'I Do" I am so angry at him; I feel is is stealing my life because of course he knows I love him and he is playing on that big time. You are right when you said it is selfish on his part that after the one minute session he goes to sleep in stead of trying to show me love in other ways. Man, the truth is hurting more and more.
You asked if I shared the SSM book with him yet, Hill, to be truthful, it was this book that turn the light bulb on. Not for what I read but because as I was taking this book and the divorce busters book, home, I was walking to my night stand to place it where I can read some every nite when I noticed there was no room on the stand because I had six other books on 'how to solve marital/sexual problems' on my night stand. I blew a fuse....! Why am I the one spending all the time going to the therapist and buying all the books and talking about the subject when he is the one with the problem!!! That was the sign for me.
To answer your other question, Hill, yes, I am looking for someone to do ALL those things he would not do with me. Someone whom we are attracted to each other and compatible. I will decide the rest from there. I feel I have been patient enough. Though I don't think I should interrupt my son's life for the next two years I wish I could met some one who would understand us living in the same house together. I am definitely aiming for separate sleeping quarters. I have spend the first three years of our relationships telling my husband to avoid certain things because I did not want to ever be right where I am now. I am bitter.
Misfits, Just though of another thing: Are you much smaller than him?
I had a friend that was a very large man and his wife was very small...if was very uncomfortable 'playing' with her becuase of the size difference. One of my sisters is also married to a man significantly larger then her and she says that he is also imposing which keeps her from being very active. This is as opposed to more similar sized men in her past.
Misfits, Just though of another thing: Are you much smaller than him?
I had a friend that was a very large man and his wife was very small...if was very uncomfortable 'playing' with her becuase of the size difference. One of my sisters is also married to a man significantly larger then her and she says that he is also imposing which keeps her from being very active. This is as opposed to more similar sized men in her past.
Hill, I live on the west coast. I was born on the east coast, the carolinas.
He is 6'5, he is 160 lbs heavier than I am. When we first met he was 100 lbs heavier than I was but I thought was great for his height. And I was smaller, yes. I have come to learn recently and I believe that it is his weight that is causing him to be such in in-house person. I am hearing more and more from his family that he has been this way all his life. I did not see this at first. Nor, would he ever confess to it.
Poe, He is worth the fight because he is a really good man. But it is a first for me to realize that just being a 'good man' is not enough. Just like 'being in love' is not enough. However, they both go hand in hand. We love each other but cannot give each other what each other needs. In order for me to continue being what he wants me to be; a couch potatoe and one who doesn't need sexual satisfaction, I am losing my self and being neglected. And he is not able to be any other than he is,an outgoing and obviously, not willing to push the envelope. I know he is trying to get me to conform, but it is hard for me to believe he has lied to me. This is what I need to realize.
it's not a lie..it is simply that what happens eventually in some r's is that one stops putting forth the effort..they don't have to becuase there are no risks or ramifications involved.
as soon as you decided you would go out by yourself your h asked you not to and asked you to go for a ride with him...you did...therefore he doesn't have to do anything to change cause you will do what he wants.
that is why I suggested that you just go and do the things you want to do...don't let him convince you not to go to church or for a walk or bike ride etc without him...let him know these are things you want to do that you enjoy that he is more than welcome infact you'd love nothing more than to have him join you but you will not stop living simply because he has chosen to.
I assume since you did get some reaction out of him when you tried to do something...by sticking to actually following through with it and not giving in to a wishy washy attempt on his part you may just get him off the damn couch.
as far as your sex life with him is concerend...since there are medical issues involved that is going to take more work but the key to motivating him to work on it may be in you starting to get out there doing the things that make you happy...let's just say it might put a little fire under his butt to take the needed action to keep you.
because of the circumstances that brought me to this site...h had moved out and wanted a d..thus the lost love...plus it was late at night and I didn't feel all that creative. Thanks for the compliment.
