I know some would not agree with you but what you said is how I feel inside. My husband has his cake and is eating it too. I am dying inside. Someone just said that as long as I do the things I want to do, do it even if my husband doesn;t do them with me, but this was one of the mean reason I married him! I wanted compatibility! and I still do while I can still climb a mountain or walk six miles all over Paris or hike Sienna in Tuscany! That was the whole plan that was laid out before I said 'I Do" I am so angry at him; I feel is is stealing my life because of course he knows I love him and he is playing on that big time. You are right when you said it is selfish on his part that after the one minute session he goes to sleep in stead of trying to show me love in other ways. Man, the truth is hurting more and more.
You asked if I shared the SSM book with him yet, Hill, to be truthful, it was this book that turn the light bulb on. Not for what I read but because as I was taking this book and the divorce busters book, home, I was walking to my night stand to place it where I can read some every nite when I noticed there was no room on the stand because I had six other books on 'how to solve marital/sexual problems' on my night stand. I blew a fuse....! Why am I the one spending all the time going to the therapist and buying all the books and talking about the subject when he is the one with the problem!!! That was the sign for me.
To answer your other question, Hill, yes, I am looking for someone to do ALL those things he would not do with me. Someone whom we are attracted to each other and compatible. I will decide the rest from there. I feel I have been patient enough. Though I don't think I should interrupt my son's life for the next two years I wish I could met some one who would understand us living in the same house together. I am definitely aiming for separate sleeping quarters. I have spend the first three years of our relationships telling my husband to avoid certain things because I did not want to ever be right where I am now. I am bitter.
