From small beginnings come great things

[ninelives]

25 , love reading your posts. Gives me a new respect for lawyers after having gone down the legal sep. path ( Lol)

sorry to hijack 2step.

I also love the way you have been taking care of our boy 2 step. We think alot of him on this board but dontl always have the right adivice for him. He gives alot of sage advice.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks and that you have helped alot of people here.

9

[Denver_2010]

For 25years

Hey 2Step - I'm going to hijack your thread for a sec.

25 - No worries. 2Step and I are buddies. He won't mind me hijacking for this reason.

I am hoping that you can find some time to take a look at my sitch. I could use some of your wise insight.

The whole thing is long. Has been going on for as long, or longer, than 2step's sitch. And somewhat similar - with an OM, but without the distance.

W committed to reconciling back in March... stopped contact with OM ... we went to 2 MC sessions but she has now stopped... and has backslid ... distancing herself with me some, and renewed contact with OM... we've gone from hanging out pretty much everyday to maybe once or twice per week ... still have contact at least once per day ... says that she needs time to process her feelings... needs me to be patient ... doesn't want to be committed to me or anyone right now ... that things will sort themselves out ... thinks that if I walk away from the sitch that it will 'say a lot about you and how you feel' ... says one day she feels like reconciling then next she doesn't... says that the one thing that MWD's video on WAW syndrome does not address is if or when 'in love' feelings come back to the WAW and that is what concerns her ... she still worries that things will go back to the way that they were if she comes home.... says she is very torn about everything... says that I am not in competition with OM (but hard for me to see it that way) ...

She is very confused. Much like 2step's W... but with the unfortunate presence of OM.

Sorry 2Step.

Thanks 25.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

ugh... forgot to post a link to my thread for you 25 if you decide to take a look at it.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146165&page=1

[MichelleLT]

Hey 2step. I can't really add anything to the 2X4 that 25 gave you.

So, I'll just throw in a (((hug))).

I haven't been on here much, doing a little processing of my own. xSIL's wedding is coming up on the 14th, and I'm dreading seeing XH there. The only real positive is that, unless something's changed, OW will not be his date. If I had to see her too, I'd need a lot more to drink lol.

As for the new stuff, she's still sending mixed signals. Don't rise to the bait. Keep staying away from the R stuff.

Big kudos for not contacting her on your anniversary or replying to her text. Definitely a good move.

To continue with the swimming/water metaphor...while you sit there with your feet in the water looking at the other shore, she's on that shore with a fishing rod. And she had you on the line. And she thinks she still does.

You need to slip the hook and start swimming before she'll ever consider getting in the water.

[25yearsmlc]

highly recommend some of you read faithfulh's thread, or Holly06's thread. She joined this site when I did, in 2006. She's div. Now she and her ex h are dating...
Faithfulh's marriage has been fully restored. Mine too. It happens.

Be patient. Be strong, be calm and be dignified. Put your kids first if you have them, and stay on track, whatever path you choose. Get comfortable with changing b/c if you don't, your life will change anyhow and not in a good way. Why not make the changes you want so your new R becomes a better one than it was before? After all, if the new R isn't going to be an improvement over the one your spouse left, why would you want to repeat the same behavior that got you here?

[25yearsmlc]

ugh... forgot to post a link to my thread for you 25 if you decide to take a look at it.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146165&page=1

I did. Hope it helps.

[2stepboogie]

If I have said it once I’ve said it a hundred times. I thank my lucky stars everyday for the wonderful support I have received from people much wiser than me. My threads have become a meeting of the minds and I thank you. Through your kind words, encouragement, support and even your 2x4 I am able to face each day.

Denver no sweat, you can use my thread anytime I know that you know and you know I know how to find you. 

25 as I stated earlier, you have become quite popular in a short amount of time. Between you, Cat, and Michelle I feel like I have my own little private DB team. I hope you stick around.

Let us begin shall we………….

She is NOT done with you yet. is what I meant to say.

9 I am not really sure I know what this means anymore. My sitch seems so much more complicated than some others at least to me. A very close friend said to me “2step, you are a man in constant agony because she has not been as cut and dry as a woman who has done what she has done. She is confusing” she is right. I feel like if my W would have used a different approach I would be so much better by now.

I don't know if I told you this already but please check out Holly06 thread. She div and is now dating her ex h. It happens.

25 I will look for her thread tonight. I look forward to read her journey.

And she does call you pretty often. My question is about the child issue. Isn't D hers too? So, she means she fears she won't have any MORE children?

Welcome to the house of mirrors and illusions. She does call often as a matter of fact she called yesterday even though I have not posted it yet. I will at the end of this post. My D is from my first M but X and I have been together since she was 1yr old. To make a long story short, in my first M I was very young my stepdad was the town minister. X#1 gets pregnant I want to do the right thing and so we get M. She had a boy. She gets pregnant again with my D I find out son was never mine and she was courting the boy’s father. When he turned her down I found out. I left then came back and then left again when I found out she was with OM. I tried to work things out with her for a few months but in reality I did not want to break up my family more than I loved her. Once I had enough I broke off all contact. When I began to date again she began to chase pretty hard. I was done. She tried for years and still to this day as recently as Feb and March she told me that her single biggest regret in life was ruining our M. I met X#2 fell in love and got M. I consider my X my real first M. My D mother was never really in the picture until recently that she has been calling her. She lives in Alaska, D lives with me in Jersey and boy lives in OK. His grandmother is raising him but he is still very much a part of my life. I did not abandon him. Every summer he flies to Jersey and spends a month with me, every bday he gets’s presents; every xmas and I help out the grandma whenever I can, paid for his traveling soccer fees, so I am there for him now and always.

X had two miscarriages while we were M and it is very difficult for her to get pregnant, she has to have treatment before and during the pregnancy. I found her comment a little disturbing but then again it also showed that she is bitter about love and M which I imagine is not a bad thing when it comes to her seeing OP. That is my line in the sand by the way. Silly now since we are D but right now it is where I stand.

So, I'll just throw in a (((hug))).

Michelle I have been expecting you. I am soooo glad you have joined us and I am thankful Cat and 25 have come in the conversation in your absence.

she's still sending mixed signals

I don’t get it. I really don’t. I have read through a lot of post in my time here and I have not been able to find such a confusing sitch. The closest thing I have found is Denver but I believe his sitch is in a total different place than mine. X went ahead with the D but she said she will talk to Jody. X changed her last name and gives the impression of going forward with her life but continues to call. X has shared with me future plans that do NOT include me but spends the night cuddled up on the couch with me. I feel like maybe I am not expressing the actual experience correctly when I post because it seems unreal to me.

You need to slip the hook and start swimming before she'll ever consider getting in the water.

This is what I am trying to figure out right now, how to go about this without burning bridges. Some days I feel like saying “WTH are we doing here? I am confused. Can we just be honest with our feelings here?” of course I will not……………..right now. So I am trying to figure out a way to back away without seeming like a jerk. Last few times we have spoken I have kept the convo’s light she has thrown her little jabs but I have not taken the bait.

So on the convo from yesterday. I was driving to pick up a friend around 1PM and she called. Asked what I was doing and began to talk about the Usama thing. We were talking pleasantries, politics, and world events. I asked her why she was going to Stillwater for and she said to go to the SS office. I said

M” Oh to get your name changed?”

W: yeah

M: Oh ok

And we went back to talking about current events. I pulled up to where my buddy was waiting and said

M: Well have fun with your stuff today I am going to let you go just pulled up to buddies place.

She said ok but laughed as I made that statement. It was not a sinister laugh it was more of a “ I know you are pi$$ed at what I am doing” laugh. I gave it no attention. I hung up and that was that.

A few minutes later she called again to tell me that D’s glasses were in and they had called her to tell her. I thanked her and asked her to please text me the number because I was driving.

That was the convo. Have not spoken to her since, and I am doing ok but the SS office thing kind of put me in a bad place for awhile. I get reality in doses I just don’t know what my reality is. As Cat told me and several others sit back and relax.

Anyways thanks again for all the support it has been a god sent in my time of need. I hope that I can give back just a small percentage of what I have received.

By the way 9 your words are very kind………….sage huh? Well I don’t know how wise I am but either way it was a very nice to say. I do my best to share what little I have learned.

[2stepboogie]

By the way I am sending her a mother’s day card. The card will read

“For ten years you didn’t have to but you did………for that I am grateful.

Hope you have a great day

2step

[25yearsmlc]

You could look at it this way...she said she wanted a divorce, but was also confused and blah blah blah...SHE DIVORCED YOU.

She calls and flirts and talks and blah blah blah SHE CHANGED HER NAME BACK...

No matter what she SAYS, her actions are clear enough for you, aren't they? You can close a door, and not lock it. You can stop looking over your shoulder (emotionally) and swim to the other shore. You can.
None of it means your d loses her. But you move on. I am not saying give up b/c this site isn't about giving up. But don't see fog where there isn't any fog.[/i]

Really There's not a lot to worry about until IF AND WHEN she wants back into a new M with you. IF that happens, it will be with utter clarity on her end, or it won't be worth your time/energy.
JMHO

[2stepboogie]

Actions speak louder than words that is for sure.