I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

My L is back in town and updated the agreements. I asked if she is to sign these and then return them to him. Next court date is May 6. That means another in June and that could be it.

Not sure what's going through my head, but my stomach is churning a bit.

D12 tells me that STBXW doesn't want her to open a checking account at my bank. Instead, the money she's saved at my house should just go into the savings account I SET UP FOR D12 at her/my old credit union.

This bothers me for some reason. It probably shouldn't, but really anytime D12 starts a sentence with "mommy says you" I automatically get defensive. This is going to be a long 14 years.

There was no response on whether STBXW is going to sign D8 up for soccer. I'll have to send another email.

I had to meet with a school official on D8 today. They have to redo all of her testing every three years to determine if she still needs school support.

I'm not myself when it comes to school anymore. I feel like I'm an outsider now. The lady asked me if I knew about the meeting on May 24 to discuss the questions. I said no, STBXW doesn't tell me a lot of things and the school doesn't send me anything. Luckily, I see them everyday during the school year to stay connected.

It was OK once I got into the questions and talked about how I handle things and what I'm seeing. I do much, much better with D8 now that I don't have to worry about how STBXW wants me to handle her. I can just be myself now.

But when it comes to school and the teachers and social workers, I get this vague "they are on her side" feeling.

People it's just anti-female sentiment. If more than 50 percent of married couples get divorced then it's likely that of the eight women I deal with about Hannah four of them are divorced and likely have custody of their children and believe I must have done something wrong.

I'm in a bitter spot today. I do not deserve to be a 40 percent father. Answering those questions reminded me that I am an excllent father and every night they don't spend with me hurts them.

I'm also a little tired. The work this weekend took a lot out of me. It also kept me from church and even though I'm not super religious I've found I stay in a better spot when I'm there for the message.

I played two games of softball yesterday. I have my divorce group tonight AND another softball game. Wednesday I have the girls, Thursday I have my church growth group and then a weekend all to myself. It's also mother's day. My mom died 15 years ago. I also moved out on Mother's Day 2009. That's a lot of stuff.