You have been at this for a very long time and really need a sense of closure on everything. I had an empty house for one year which STBEX and I were still paying the mortgage and home equity line on getting it ready to go on the market. Despite the sorry state of the housing market, sometimes you catch "lightning in a bottle" and get the property sold. Since that happened a few weeks ago, I need to figure out what passes for the "new normal" in terms of finances...
If you employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), they may be able to provide you with a referral to a D lawyer and a discount on the hourly fee (mine was a 25% discount and every bit does help these days). It sounds like the only real bugaboo is on the finances since it appears that all the "stuff" is divvied up and IIRC there are no kids in your sitch.
I get your point that a large part of this is about control. Once I finally figured that out in my sitch, a lot of things began to make sense.
Now what is Z doing to take care of herself? IIRC you had gotten up with a good group of friends in your new locale. Are they still part of the picture? Are you seeing an IC or thinking about doing that? Given the stresses I was experiencing three or so years ago, I got up with a really good therapist (again through my employer's EAP). The visits have tapered off now to once every four to six weeks because I value the guy's insight and perspective.
You already know this - but this is your safe place to vent to your heart's content. I regret that you're back here - but also glad that you came back (if that make any sense!)
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
