The Roller Coaster Keeps on Rolling

[Denver_2010]

Hey man good to hear from you.

I figured you were procesing all this stuff.

I am sorry to hear where it sits right now but you know what?

It is a process. And it doesn't happen when or how we would like usually.

Yep. When my W was talking this weekend I thought of you. She used phrases like,

"this is going to happen on your timeline Denver",
"this is going to take time",
"You can't expect me to be where you are emotionally Denver"

LOL... You been talking to my W Gritter?

I recognize that it is a process. I would be handling it much better if it were going along in a logical manner though. What has thrown me for an emotional loop is the fact that she has gone from spending time with me almost daily, calling me mutliple time per day, agreeing to MC, no contact with OM ... to limited hanging out time, being distant, 1 or 2 telephone/text contacts per day... and now contact with OM.

Get what I am saying... it's like I was a starving man who had a bowl of the most delicious steak in the world put in front of his nose in March... to have the bowl pulled away from me about 10 feet.

It is frustrating...

I admit, I have backslid in some ways myself. I am completely attached to my W. There is something inside of me that makes me feel that I 'need' her rather than just 'want' her. I am affected by her every move or word.

I can acknowledge these things, but am unsure how to get back to where I was. Or maybe I was never there. I just don't know right now.

I still believe your W is playing the victim role here. She is confused

When will you be confident enough in your changes and what you want in your life and how to live it?

Because that is the only way you can show her who you are and she will either see it or she won't.

She won't if you are sacrificing yourself at all costs to bring her back into the M.

It will only reinforce her stance that you are 100% responsible for this and she can do what she wants.

Do you think that kind of thinking is going to work in your M?

My advice?

Let her be like she said she wants.

Let her live without Denver pulling her back into the M.

Let her take some steps on her own.

You are right Gritter. She does view herself as the victim. That is how she justifies her decision to 'date' when we separated... it is how she avoids feeling the guilt that I KNOW is there somewhere inside of her. I don't know if she will ever NOT feel that she is/was the victim in this situation. Changing that will require W to face that guilt.

Here is the rub with pulling back and letting her be... I don't want to appear as if I have reverted to old behaviors.

The whole reason W left me in the first place is bc I was not there for her emotionally, I didn't show her that I loved her, I did not spend time with her, and bc I was neglectful of her. I made her feel lonely in our M.

She is asking for space now. I understand that. But if I give it to her do I not risk her being reminded of the way that I was before? Do I not risk her going back to OM for that support?

I already know what your answer to these questions will be Gritter. I know. It just seems like a situation with no good solution.

As always Gritter, thanks for following my sitch and for the great advice. I appreciate it.

BITS
Denver