A boundary once establish means your force them to make a choice AND you have to live with decision. It's an ultimatium.
DISAGREE. A boundary, properly articulated, is very different than an "ultimatum." An ultimatum is "You must give up OM, or I'm done." A boundary is "I will not live in an open marriage."
An ultimatum is about THEM; a boundary is about US, and what we will (or won't) abide.
At first, they seem the same, but really, you're saying basically this:
Her: "So you're saying I must make a choice, him or you?"
You: "I'm not saying anything other than what I'm looking for in my marriage. It's completely up to you what you decide to do; I just felt it only fair to let you know I'm not willing to live in an open marriage."
Her: "So you're making me choose -- that's so unfair! I wasn't ready for you to make all of these changes, so fast! I was done with you!"
You: "I understand that, and again, I'm not telling you what you should do. I'm letting you know, as my wife, that what YOU decide to do, will affect what I decide to do, and that each of our decisions have consequences. I'm being completely honest with you; I have no desire to be anyone's 'Plan B'. I value myself way too much for that."
There's a difference.
Let me put it another way. Instead of "Mrs. Denver," you replace it with "My Wife." As in:
"I'm just letting you know, that my wife will not be living in an open marriage with me; I value myself way too much for that. Whether or not that wife is you, is completely up to you. You're an adult, and I don't control you nor do I have any desire to."
