Am I doing everything wrong?

[Confused423]

Ya know...after my crazy panic attack last night, I have spent alot of time thinking. I know that I should not have gotten into an R talk with my H last night. However, I realize that I panicked because he was panicked. I say that I want to detach, but I don't really. It's more of a scare tactic to him and that's not what DBing is about. Even though I shouldn't have talked to him about how I was feeling, my feelings are still valid and it is a definite LRT technique if I can stick with it and go dark this week.

I realized something this morning. I am driving myself crazy trying to "read" my H's mind. Why am I doing that?? I can't read his mind and I can't understand his actions, so I've just got to stop trying. Isn't that what detaching is about? Trying to completely ignore what the other person is doing? I can't make him come back, I can't make him give up the OW (although that is my fondest wish), and I can't make him think the way that I do. It's definitely a control thing. I want to control everything around me because I feel like my life is teetering on the brink.

My goal for this week is to go as dark with my H as I can and try to focus on what I really want. I've been doing that over the last little bit and that is why I thought it was best to tell my H where I was in my mind. But, I realize that he doesn't really care how I feel. He wants to eat cake while he figures out what he really wants. I just have to stop being the cake...right?

I love that I have this board that I can come too and journal my thoughts out and have others respond with excellent advice and support!