Well - I may need some advice here, but first some background.
It seems that C first started having her WAS feelings about a year ago. I kinda sensed this and was really looking forward to Valentines day. We had a reservation to a really nice restaurant (same one as we went to the year before and had a GREAT time) and I was looking forward to another good night, good time, good food and when we got home ML, the whole 9 yards so to speak.
Well, V day came and we dressed up and went out to eat, but almost as soon as we sat down C started in with what was wrong with our M. Even though we ended up having a "not to bad" night, the mood was broken and there was no ML when we got home. After that I could feel that she was still having some problems but she kept saying she would work through them and to be patient. BUT then came the Bomb, the Divorce and all.
I had thought the bad memories of last V day were gone but as this years V Day gets closer I am feeling more and more apprehensive. I feel that V Day is a day for lovers to celebrate their love for each other and even though C has said since the D that she loved me, it was only 2 or 3 times and more often than that she has gone out of her way to let me know that she can not say ILY. Even though I am piecing now, and I have seen lots of positive steps, I still do not have any desire to do anything with her on V Day or to get her anything for Valentines.
Don't get me wrong - I have no problem with getting her anything or taking her out, but with her attitude on the ILY, I am just feeling a hangup as to V Day and feel that if we did something then it would be hypocritical of her and I think that feeling and my attitude might spoil the time together. So my question - do I ask her out for V day and suppress my feelings or just plan to be out of town that weekend, or what? And then if I do not ask her out and just treat the day just like any other Saturday, what do I do if she ask what we are doing?
Now - on a more positive note - I am going flying today (2nd lesson - if the weather holds, may have some showers though) and after the lesson I am going to go to C place to watch niece and nephew. She has been babysitting them since Thursday night and will go all the way through late Sunday night. I told her I would watch them for a few hours after my lesson so she could get away and go to the gym and work out or what ever she wanted to do to just get away from them for a few. Told her that when she came back I would take them all to dinner so she would not have to cook tonight.
In the past when she has babysat, I have offered to help her the whole time but I feel that she needs to have an idea that I might not always be around so I only offered to give her a few hours away from them, and I only offered to do that yesterday morning. I felt that if she wanted me to help more than that then she would ask me.
In the middle of writing this post she called and we talked a few - I was very pleasant and upbeat but she did seem frazzled from dealing with the kids. After all, it has been a few days (years?) Since she has had a 3 year old for that long.
As for positives - 1. not much new to report don’ t seem to be moving forward very fast (if at all) but don’t feel that we are moving back any, and we are on her schedule) and like they say - no news is good news. 2. Other than my apprehension about V-Day, my PMA is good. 3. Going flying today again. (really looking forward to soloing again and eventually getting my private license so I can take up passengers)
Also, been eating a cinnamon roll as I type this and it is good but between bites, I have to do the “finger licking good” thing before I can start typing again. Well, I had better get a few things done before I have to head to the airport, Til later.....
