thanks all, I am starting to feel really torn inside about the "sober up or no reconciliation" speach.
If my H were to want to work on things and I gave him this speach, I am afraid it is going against what I am learning in alanon.
Alanon suggests letting the drinker figure out they need help on there own with out someone saying they need to sober up to them. They say, NO nagging or complaining about the drinkers lifestyle, just stay busy in your own life. The only one that can make him want to get help is himself.
Now I am confused again. I know that I could not live the way I was (alone basically while he's at the bars). But he knows that allready and is unwilling to change. His words: my motives wont change. So how can I give him that "Speach" if I know it pushes him away allready and am trying to follow alanons advice too?
I know there is no magic answer here and that I need to figure out what I want , But I am just feeling confused now. TIPPER
