I woke up this morning feeling sad and lonely and missing her. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was call her to tell her everything I have figured out in the last week. By reading my journal, I know there were times that after she went public with her relationship with her boss, she was struggling with it and really was thinking of getting away from him and her job. At one point she had even asked me to buy her out of the house so she would have money to buy a car (she has a "company" car now), and have time to look for a job. I said no, since it's not what we agreed to, and not best for the kids and I. Now, I know that she then felt she had no choice and went back to her boss and then a couple weeks later went on vacation with him. And now she is trapped.
I wanted to do that, but I didn't. I will some day, but right now, I need to stay dark. I will fall apart if I even see her, and if there is any hope of saving this marriage, she needs time and space now more than ever.
Today I will drop S17 off at work (yes, he and D19 both work part time with she and om!!!!) as I always do on Tuesdays. Usually I dress up on Tuesday and go in to say hi to her. Today, I won't. That part of my day will be tough.
