I am starting my work day and feeling ok. Slept fairly well last night without having to take a sleeping pill. Still, when the moment I wake in the middle of the night, or in the morning, I think of him with her.
I made it through day 4 of being completely dark. None of my goals will matter if I show weakness now and invade her space when the last words she said to me were "I'm done...I'm done". It could take months for her to contact me, but time apart also eases the pain.
Today, for about an hour, I talked with the female half of a couple that have been friend with STBX and I for about 15 years. She is the one STBX asked to go on vacation with her and her boss.
Our friend was very careful not to choose sides or badmouth STBX, but she certainly agrees with my view of things. At one point, she and STBX were best friends, so that means a lot to me. She agreed that even though there were some issues in our marriage that we would still be together today, had STBX not gone to work for OM 10 years ago.
After that talk and a brief one with an acquaintance who went through a sit just like ours a few years ago (his ex is now with her boss who she cheated with) I am feeling calm. The more I talk about the truth, the less I feel that I want to save the marriage. I know this changes from day to day, but today, I have little interest. Of course, at first contact with STBX, I just might break down all over again. That is why I need to stay dark. Day five is almost done, and most importantly, I don't feel like it's an effort to stay away today.
Wow...BetheMan...you ARE the man! Six years...I am taken back. any W who doesn't think of that as trying for the R and the W is not thinking right.
I have no words of advice to offer but I wanted to say I admire your dedication to your R and family. She has no idea how lucky she really is.
H:41 W:44 D1:18 D2:16 S:12 D3:7 T:20 M:18 Bomb:1/5/11 Sep:2/18/11 No D filed yet; just threats
“It is what YOU make it”!
I just noticed your post. Thank You. Some would say I am crazy for working at it for so long and that I wasted years of my life. Many days in that time period were great, in fact, we had a couple of honeymoon periods. The real issue was OM always lurking for all those years. Most importantly, I kept my family together until my kids were grown.
I actually did divorce bust. We still are not divorced. We will be soon, but it would have been over a long time ago, if I had not worked so hard. I still succeeded.
Congrats to me on day 5 of being completely dark. Rather easy today, since the only thing I want to talk to her about right now is the truth about her relationship with her boss over the last 8-9 years - and I'm certainly not going to get that for quite some time.
Well the nice thing about life is that you can change your mind whenever you want. This isn't an easy sitch and there's no right answer. Just keep doing what feels right and going dark feels so right, yes?
Well the nice thing about life is that you can change your mind whenever you want. This isn't an easy sitch and there's no right answer. Just keep doing what feels right and going dark feels so right, yes?
I woke up this morning feeling sad and lonely and missing her. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do was call her to tell her everything I have figured out in the last week. By reading my journal, I know there were times that after she went public with her relationship with her boss, she was struggling with it and really was thinking of getting away from him and her job. At one point she had even asked me to buy her out of the house so she would have money to buy a car (she has a "company" car now), and have time to look for a job. I said no, since it's not what we agreed to, and not best for the kids and I. Now, I know that she then felt she had no choice and went back to her boss and then a couple weeks later went on vacation with him. And now she is trapped.
I wanted to do that, but I didn't. I will some day, but right now, I need to stay dark. I will fall apart if I even see her, and if there is any hope of saving this marriage, she needs time and space now more than ever.
Today I will drop S17 off at work (yes, he and D19 both work part time with she and om!!!!) as I always do on Tuesdays. Usually I dress up on Tuesday and go in to say hi to her. Today, I won't. That part of my day will be tough.
Grats on your day 5! Glad you're picking up on those clues. When you move from dark to other tactics, you'll have to untrap her ... and end up being the OM.
