Am I doing everything wrong?

[NEmoose43]

Well, the 3 week time frame is something I haven't really stuck by. I told her I wouldn't bring us up until she was done with school and I failed multiple times. I told her tonight that her taking a full week away from me needed to happen and I understood that. I just didn't think she'd spend that time with the OM, and I'm still not entirely sure if she did but I will not confront her about that since I can't control it anyway.

I think that I can relate so well because I now know what she went through when I had my EA 3 years ago. Mine NEVER got physical beyond one kiss, but it was a definite emotional attachment, and as I said I don't know if W's EA is a PA or not. So I'm feeling what she did back then...where was he, was he with her, does he think she's prettier than me, is he thinking about her when he's in bed with me. You know, all the fun stuff. I have told W that I am so sorry for what I did, because I now know what she felt...I really never took responsibility for my actions until now, and that's my biggest regret. I've told her that I should've seen what she was going through about a LOT of stuff way before now, but I can't change that. All I can promise is to use it to make myself and the future better.

Of course her response has been "Why should I believe you now?" And I don't have a good answer to that except that the changes I'm making are for myself to be a better person and a better husband. I honestly think that she never really expected me to fight for us based on my earlier actions and words, so now she's a little shocked and that's added to her confusion.

The thing is, she KNOWS that I'm miserable without her, and I'm sure your H knows the same. I've learned in the last few days that reminding them of that probably doesn't do you or I any good. They've got their reasons for wanting to leave, our job is to give them reasons to come back while not beating them over the head with it.