18 Wheels and a Dozen Roses

[AJM80]

Hi - thanks, this is really amazing, meaty stuff and it's helping me understand a little more, I think. One of the things I have truly taken away from all this is that women have no idea how much men actually listen and internalize what we say. I wish my H and I had been able to shared in a healthier way what I was frustrated with/happy with and what he was feeling/going through so that when we didn't have time to stay connected, we still understood what the other was doing/putting into the relationship.

Thanks for your take on my use of "lobby" - I'll avoid that term/trying to influence or push him, rather than just asking an opinion.

I should have added a bit of info for #2 - H knows I'm looking at whether I should stay in the rental house we have now or move somewhere else in the area. He threw out that he would be moving out of the city - if he's moving to be closer to the kids, that's something I have a lot of respect for and would be a good faith statement of how much he wants to be present for his kids. I am letting that go, though, as you suggest. I think I'll either stay right where I am or move to my parents area.

I asked very nicely about getting back to me on the email and then dropped the subject. I think I was probably in the neutral zone since he groaned, but acknowledged that he did need to get back to me and appreciated that I cared what he thought/was taking it into consideration. Thanks for that feedback, though, since I should be going for +, not neutral or negative.

I have noticed something new lately, now that you talk about how your w made you feel. If he thinks I am upset about something, he's pursuing me about it. When I realized he was leaving on Sun, it suddenly stuck me that I had like 20 min before I had the kids all by myself again. He noticed that I was stressed and thought I was mad at him and followed me out of the room. I explained that the day had been fun, but I suddenly realized I had a lot of stuff that I hadn't taken care of while he was around to help. But he thought I was upset with him and pursued, instead of retreating.

OMW - think about whether it would help your situation with W to let her know that what she thinks and says to you has registered and did matter. I don't mean a big convo or anything, more just showing the little things. H has been lately - yes, he still flakes sometimes, but I do too, of course. But to see him actually playing with the kids, instead of watching tv/being on the phone, to talk to him about stuff and know he is listening/we both share things we've seen or heard, to feel supported an appreciated is so amazing. I think that Sparks was right and I was being very guarded - it just hurt.