New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

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"It is beyond devastating to hear that the reality you have been living - the deep bond of friendship and love that you have with your partner - was only ever "superficial" from their perspective. We made it through so many significant life events together, our relationship felt deep and true to me. I had cleaved to him and he used to say that I was truly his "better half." Was it all really a lie, or is this typical for a WAS?"

I hear ya, AA35...8 weeks ago my W of 9 1/2 years dropped the "I've never loved you...I should never have married you...and I'm in love with someone else" bomb on me. Out of the blue. Completely blindsided me. I felt like my whole world was yanked out from under me. I couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Every waking moment my thoughts were of her and how could she do this to me?

Finding this site was the best thing that happened to me during this horrible time. I was amazed at how many others were going through exactly the same thing. My feelings of self-doubt, self-loathing and being "damaged goods" started to recede. I realized there was nothing I could do to change her, her emotional affair (EA) with the old high school friend or the way she treated me.

But I could change me, and I started to. And that is the key to getting through this mess, AA35. You can do nothing about your H right now. He is in another galaxy, and nothing you do or say will pry him out. So focus on you, your needs, your desires. Move, and keep moving. Sitting still causes the demons to come out and move into your head. Run, bike, lift weights, go to a gym or just walk like your life depends on it...because in a way, it does. Spend time with close friends. Read everything you can find about affairs, divorce, marriage, relationships...it all helps you gain perspective on what is happening and how you can deal with it.

It will take a long time; I'm just at the beginning of my journey and you are at the beginning of yours. But even if the worst happens, and your H does not come back, you will have created a top shelf version of you that nobody can ever take away.