My sons prayer.....

[RedNailPolish]

Every night before we go to bed, my son and I say our prayers. He thanks God for all the wonderful things that he did and then he says "please bring my daddy home".

It breaks my heart every time.

Heres my story:

Just a little over a month ago my husband and I seperated. I could feel the distance between us growing. I had my son just 3 years ago. I devoted myself to him and all his needs. I tried to be the best mum I could. At the very same time my husband started his law career. He also devoted all his time and energy to being the best lawyer he could be. It was at this point we started drifting apart.

My sons birth was unexpected. Financially we were not in the right position to afford to have a child. My husband had been studying law full time and therefore we did not have much money. As stated previously his first law job and the birth of my son happened at the very same time. His first law job did not pay very well and we had to move back home with my parents after a year. We rented out our home to get some extra money.

Our relationship was what I would call "cruising". It wasnt exciting but it wasnt tense. Only 2 fights which were pretty major. The first one occured on our anniversary - I asked him to move out, but we ended up making up and he never moved out (this was last October). The second was last Christmas - he confessed about a girl who kissed him at his old job. He said he felt an enormous amount of guilt having not told me at the time. He said he felt attracted to the girl but didnt do anything about it. He left that job after that incident. I was of course very hurt and angry and we had a massive fight. We were on a Christmas holiday when this happened. We spent a night apart but then I forgave him and we made up and had the most wonderful holiday together.

It was smooth sailing for about a month or so. Then he started working his ridiculous hours again. Pretty much 7 days a week. He would always work from home but he was on the phone alot. When I look back I do remember being somewhat suspicious but you always put it in the back of your mind. You want to think the best of your spouse and give them your trust. We ended up drifting apart again. I could feel the tension. It was in March after his birthday that things got really tense. We didnt talk for a few days. Then finally we ended up having a big argument and I told him to leave. He packed his things and went to his mums. I packed the rest of his things and he got them the next day.

We didnt talk for 6 days. I was suspicious. I confronted him at his work. He wouldnt let me come into his office so we talked outside his work. A girl walked out of his office. I asked if he was having an affair with this girl. He denied it but I had my suspicions.

The next week we didnt have much contact. He turned up to see my son play sport but that was it. He didnt call or check up on us. Then he told my by text that he couldnt see my son at sport next weekend because he was going away for the weekend. I knew straight away that he wasnt going alone.

I had been a wreck for these few weeks. I lost 5kgs. Hardly ate or slept. I leaned on friends at work mostly because I couldnt and didnt want to tell my close friends because I did not want them to judge my husband. I still felt that he was a good man - who is going through a crisis.

He did all the typical MLC behaviour - bought a new sports car, spent all of our money (left our bank account with $23), bought new/younger clothes, went to bars/clubs, told me I love you but im not in love with you, hanging out with younger people, affair, lies, lies and more lies.


After he came back from holiday we had a chat. We ended up ML and then I noticed that he had this look in his eyes - guilt? I asked and proded and he confessed to an affair with a co-woker (the girl I suspected). I was hurt of course but remained very calm. He told me he was sorry and we made plans to go home together. He said he needed to make a phone call before going into the house. I went in and heard his conversation because he had it on speaker in his car. He told the girl that he was going home and he wanted to work things out with me. She was crying and asking why. I was upset at hearing this so i walked out and told him that I could hear his conversation. He was embarrased. And then his phone rang again. It was OW and a picture of her lying on a bed in her underwear appeared on his phone. Again he felt embarrased and said he had to leave. I asked why - I had thought we were going to work things out? He said no and left.

He didnt ring me or make any contact for the next few days. Contact was made after a few days to arrange to see our S. Things have been much the same for the last couple of weeks. Only wanting to see his son and no other contact made. My son has slept over with him at his mums house. But my son always comes home looking unhappy. I dont think my H is being the best dad at the moment - not doing fun things with my S.

A few nights ago - I went to a club/pub with a friend. Got a little tipsy (im not much of a drinker) and ended up scratching my car. Bad park job! woops. Didnt sleep all night from all the drinking and still not sleeping much anyway. Im on sleeping tablets which Im trying to wean myself off.

My H dropped S home I showed him my car. He seemed interested and he also seemed interested in talking to me. His phone rang and then he left. I of course was looking really great as I have lost even more weight - 8kgs in total. Looking like my old self again - admit i look pretty darn good

In the evening i received a text from H. Said he was concerned about my behaviour (going out and drinking and then scratching my car). Said he still cared about me and I should call him if I needed anything. I texted him back and we ended up flirting and sexting. He asked me to "catch" up and in the end I said no.

Yesterday he was supposed to see my S. He rang but I was in a work meeting. He text to say he couldnt make it - too much work and he promised his mum that he would be home for dinner. I didnt make too much of a big deal about it and flirted a little.

Today was my sons first day at daycare. My mum has been looking after him since I went back to work full time. Its a BIG deal since no one else has ever looked after him. My husband said that he was going to come to his first day but received a phone call this morning whilst I was on the train to say that he couldnt make it - typical! Since being seperated he cancels or is late to meet with our S. Getting pretty sick of this behaviour but I said dont worry about it.

It was a pretty stressful and emotional morning. My S cried as I left. I cried walking back to work. I will check on him today at lunch to see how he is going. My H says that he will come and see him tonight. Thats if he doesnt cancel.

Throughout this month I have been a wreck as you can imagine. But I have also been trying to work on me. Ive done the following:
* Allowed my son to sleep over his grandma's house (i have never been away from him since he was born - only when i had to go to hospital for surgery)
* Started going to the gym
* Going out with friends
* More housework
* Driving everywhere - got a NAVMAN (hubby use to do all the driving)
* Going back to church

I feel that I have grown to be more of an independent person and I know that I have more growing to do but it is really painful.

I know for a fact that he is still with OW and that really breaks my heart.

I could really use some help in what I should be doing more of? Or less of.

I havent brought up any R talk since 2 weeks ago, when I found out about the A. I dont call him. I only respond to his text. But I feel so hurt that he hardly calls us. He doesnt call to say goodnight to his S. He sees him only once during the week and then he has him stay over 1 night during the weekend.

I feel completely lost. I feel like hes falling more and more attached with OW. When I found out about the A - he told me he really cared about her. That really hurt me.

Id really like some advice/support. Im feeling very hurt/sad.