No word from H today, though I wasn’t really expecting anything. He won’t contact me unless I contact him. That’s probably a good thing. I’m still steaming from yesterday, so I guess I’m venting today. Despite all I say here, I really am trying to be nice about this and let it go that we’ve both done our share. Honestly, I feel like I’m being magnanimous in this, because H is a classic verbal abuser. He criticizes me out of the blue for whack stuff and then tells me it’s my fault because I’m overly sensitive or I’m defensive or I’m the one who attacked him. My favorite is when he says he never said what he just went off about ten minutes ago or for two days. (Like the time he berated how I change gears when I drive, and when I changed my driving to his preferred method he berated me because I wasn’t driving the exact way he’d just told me not to drive.) His emails this weekend were fraught with accusatory theories about my motives and multiple choice questions in which I’m either a) stupid, b) a b!+ch or c) just plain wrong. I’m trying to respond as little as possible, because I’m not interested in playing along anymore. It’s time he takes responsibility for his own behavior. I wish, truly wish, he would listen to what I’m actually saying and stop trying to infer meaning to suit his own purposes, but then we might not be getting a divorce if he weren’t so busy putting thoughts in my head for me. He actually went into a rage last month because he thought I moved the drain cleaner… problem was I had searched the house for the drain cleaner myself and I couldn’t find it, which makes moving it pretty well impossible. When I couldn’t find it I thought he’d used it all, so I went and bought some. I cleared the drain myself, and then he got mad because I didn’t do it well enough… a sure sign that I hadn’t read the instructions. Boy, he was mad when he though I hadn’t read the instructions on the drain cleaner. I know that’s pretty unforgiveable, except I had read the instructions. He wanted to argue with me about whether or not I read the instructions, even though he wasn’t even there when I did it. He has told me twice this weekend that he’s still the man I married. No. The man I married did not lose his grip on reality every time I did some whacky thing like pour Liquid Plumber down a drain or buy windshield cleaner without direct supervision. The windshield cleaner was another good one. I used all of it and threw away the bottle, so I couldn’t physically prove I’d bought the right brand and he couldn’t just take my word for it. How I got to be 40 without dying in horrible windshield wiper fluid related accident, I’ll never know.
